5 Months
by bluebaby3296
Summary: What could happen to someone in 5 months. Ruthie goes through a lot in the 5 months martin is gone. But what happens when he comes back? Will he be able to help her or will he be 5 months too late. if anyone wants to adopt this let me know
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I hope you guys like this…the idea just popped into my head and I thought that I would post it and see what you guys thought…It's just a lil preview too see if you like it and if I should continue….I hope you do cause I have more I wanna post but I thought I'd post this first…anyway hope you guys had a great holiday and please review and tell me what you think….**

It had been five months since Ruthie had last seen Martin. Five months since she had seen his smile, looked into his eyes, or heard his voice. She couldn't understand why he hadn't called her or emailed her, something that let her know he cared. For five months she sat in her room sulking in the silence and despair that had come over her. No smile had graced her once happy joyful face, no laughter was heard from her soft sweet voice, and all her love that she had once had and shared was gone. It was as though the very essence of her was being sucked out from her soul. That she was slowly being erased and all that would be left of her would be this empty shell of her body with nothing inside except a broken heart.

It killed her parents to see their daughter in such a dark and gloomy state. They could do nothing except sit back and watch as she sank further into the sea of despair and sorrow. Their little girl that was once the most happiest and joyful person had disappeared right before their eyes. Her body was there; but her heart, soul, and mind were not.

Ruthie had been so angry and hurt at Martin for doing what he did that she shut everyone out of her life that cared about her. She wouldn't let anyone come close to her or even speak to her. She had become a ghost. They could hear her moving around but they couldn't see or touch her. It was though she had built this wall around her, keeping her safe from ever being hurt again. But in fact the wall was actually hurting her more than it was keeping her safe. Like wine in a wine bottle, Ruthie's feelings were bubbling and fizzing, and just like a wine bottle her emotions would push so hard that she would eventually pop.

Each day the Camden's all tried to cheer Ruthie up and make her smile, but nothing worked. Not even the shopping spree her mother took her on worked. And that was a shocker because everyone knew that Ruthie loved to shop and never turned down a day at the mall.

No one would have expected that she would have taken it so hard. Yea sure they knew that she had feelings for him, but they figured like any other crush that it would just go away. But they were wrong, very very wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

It started off like any other day; Ruthie got up, picked out an outfit and went downstairs into the kitchen to have a cup of coffee. She had gotten herself used to drinking coffee to keep her awake during school and sometimes to keep her up at night. Her parents weren't too happy with her choice of beverage in the mornings but they knew that she wouldn't listen to them even if they spoke up.

Eric came down walking down the stairs with a smile on his face and his brief case in his hand. He looked over at Ruthie pouring herself a cup of coffee and sighed. _How much longer is she going to go on like this? She can't stay like this forever. I just wish there was something I could do to cheer her up, _Eric thought to himself as he went over to the cabinet and got out a cup. As he reached for the pot he turned to Ruthie and said, "Why don't you take the day off school today and you and I go for breakfast, just the two of us. And then after breakfast we can go see a movie and then you can come to work with me." Eric asked. He hoped that this would cheer her up or at least get her to talk to him.

_Why can't everyone leave me alone? Don't they understand I don't want to be bothered? My heart is in pieces and he wants to go for breakfast, _Ruthie thought to herself. She turned to her dad and sighed. "No thanks dad. I have a test today so I'd rather not miss is." She answered. With that Ruthie grabbed her black bag off the marble counter top and headed out the door for another boring miserable day at school.

Annie had been standing at the top of the stairs listening to Eric's attempt at getting to their daughter. When she heard Ruthie leave she took a deep breath and went downstairs to comfort her husband. "I heard you and Ruthie before. If this had been any other time I know it would have worked." She started tearing up. "Eric I miss my Ruthie. I miss the happy girl she used to be. Every morning she'd wake up with a smile on her face, and now she wakes up and runs out of the house without so much as a good morning." Annie cried.

"I know Annie believe me I know. But what can we do? We can't talk to her because as soon as she sees anyone in the family she darts out of the room. What if we call him? What if we get Martin to call her or come and see her?" Eric said. He was out of ideas and this was the only thing he could think of that would work.

Wiping her tears from her cheeks, Annie looked at her husband and smiled. "You know that might work. Yea…I mean if Ruthie got to talk to Martin and explain how she feels, maybe she'll feel better." Annie exclaimed with joy. But then reality sank in.

"But what if she isn't happy to see him. What if things don't go the way we want? She's gonna be angry with him and most likely yell at him. He has been gone five months." Annie paused and sat on the kitchen chair. "But it's worth a shot. You do know when she finds out that we had something to do with this she will be angry. It's bad enough she doesn't talk to us now, but imagine how she will feel when she knows we had him come here." Annie sighed. _God all I want is my Ruthie back. Please…please let this work, _Annie prayed.

"I hope it works too. I'll call Martin when I get to my office." Eric replied as he kissed his wife and left.

Looking up at the ceiling, Annie asked, "God all I ask is that you help Ruthie through this. Help her to heal and forgive Martin for not being here. Please don't let her hurt anymore."

**At School**

Ruthie walked into school with this blank expression on her face and went to her locker. She didn't care that the other kids were talking about her and pointing at her. Nothing mattered to her anymore, not even her family. _I hate school…I hate coming here and having to see these people. It's pointless to be here. It's the same thing every day, come in go to your locker, sit in a class that means nothing and have everyone talk about you. If only Martin was here, then everything would be ok. But he's not here! He's off playing daddy to a baby he never wanted with a woman he can't stand. _Ruthie thought in anger.

She walked into biology and took her usual seat in the back of the room. The room was filled with pictures of chemicals, instruments, and dissected animals. Ruthie simply rolled her eyes at the pictures and started tapping her number two pencil on the wood desk. Just as she was about to fall asleep, one of the cheerleaders grabbed a desk and sat next to her.

"Ok I have to ask. Why do you look so depressed every damn day? I mean what are you like on anti depressants or something. Or is God not being very good to you right now." She sneered and starts laughing at her.

Luckily for the cheerleader, Ruthie was in no mood to respond otherwise she would have let her have it. Instead, Ruthie picked up her bag and walked out of the classroom. She decided to skip school for the rest of the day. _God I hate cheerleaders, _Ruthie moaned to herself as she put her headphones on and walked out the building.

**Eric's Office**

Eric had just pulled his blue van into the church parking when his cell phone rang. He looked at the caller I.D and saw that it was the school. _Oh no, Ruthie…_He worried.

"Hello." Eric answered.

"Hi Mr. Camden. This is Jane the secretary at the high school. I'm just calling to let you know that your daughter Ruthie walked out of her morning class and it seems she has left the school." She informed.

He took a deep breath and clutched his heart. "Thank you for letting me know. I will talk with Ruthie when I see her." He replied. This was another stunt Ruthie had been pulling for a while.

"You're welcome. But if this continues, Ruthie will be facing expulsion." With that last statement she hung up.

"God…I don't think my heart can take much more of this. Please let this work." Eric prayed out loud.

He picked up a picture of Ruthie when she was six yrs old and smiled. If only he could go back in time and stop her from growing up, if only. But he couldn't go back. The only thing he could do was go forward and try to make her future much happier.

Placing the picture back on the desk, he picked up his phone and dialed a familiar number.

_Ring __Ring__ Ring…Ring Ring Ring….no answer. _He let the phone ring a few more times.

"Hello." A familiar answered. His voice was a little deeper and sounded a little tired.

"Hello Martin." Eric replied.

"Mr. Camden how have you been. I haven't talked to you in a while. How is everyone?" Martin asked. He had missed them so much since he moved to be closer to his son.

"I'm great." He lied. "The reason I'm calling is that I was wondering if you could come down. We really need you here." He answered.

"Why…what's wrong?" Martin asked curiously. _I hope everything is ok. _Martin hoped to himself as he waited for Eric's reply.

"It's not good here. We really need you to come as soon as you can...Its Ruthie….she needs you………


	3. Chapter 3

Martin couldn't believe what Rev. Camden told him. He couldn't believe what was going in the place he once called home. A look of utter shock came upon his face as he thought about the one person he missed the most, the one person that he neglected for five months…Ruthie.

_Why didn't I call her? Why didn't I go back and see her. I can't believe all this going on,_ Martin thought to himself. But his thoughts where soon interpreted by the voice on the other end of the line.

"Martin? Martin are you there?" Eric asked with concern. He hadn't heard a word from Martin in the last five minutes and he was getting worried.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Martin cleared his throat and replied, "Oh sorry, I was just thinking. Do you think she will wanna see me?" Martin asked.

"I think she will be angry with you and tell you to leave. But, I think that once you two talk that she'll be ok." Eric answered honestly.

"Thanks Rev. Camden." Martin smiled at Eric's attempt to keep him hopeful. "I'll call you later and let you know when I will be coming down. I just need to do a few things before I come up there." Martin stated. There was a lot he had to do before he went and saw Ruthie. He couldn't go up there after five months and not know what he was gonna say. If he was going to go up there he would need time to think about what he would say.

"I understand. I'll talk to you later…" He was about to hang up when he said, "Oh and Martin…everything will be ok. I have faith that everything will be ok and that God will help you and everyone else through this."

Eric's words of comfort brought a sense of hope to him. Then yet, whenever Rev Camden spoke, his words always seemed to lift people's spirits. That's what he needed; he needed hope that everything with him and Ruthie would be ok. Wiping the tear that had made its way down his tan cheek, Martin replied, "Thanks…I really needed that."

"Your welcome." Eric responded.

When the phone call had ended, Martin walked over to his closet and pulled out a shoe box that was full of pictures of him and Ruthie. _I can't believe that this is really happening. The one person that was always there for me is now in pain and misery because of me. She's in pain because I neglected her. _His green hazel eyes were now tearing up at the thought of his best friend in pain because of his stupidity.

From the details that were just described to him of the situation made him cringe. As he looked at the pictures in his hands, an image came to his mind. An image of a girl who's heart and soul had been shattered into a million pieces. Whose eyes were once full of joy, hope, and life; were now filled with anger, hatred, and agony.

Martin looked through his pictures and smiled at the memories of when they were taken. One picture in particular stood out from all the rest. It was the picture of him and Ruthie on his 17th birthday. A small laugh escaped Martins soft lips as he thought back to that day.

_Flashback…._

_Around 7:30 am Ruthie decided to wake Martin up early being as it was his birthday and that he was still in bed. Creeping into his room slowly and quietly, Ruthie got on top of the bed and started jumping up and down yelling, "WAKE UP IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY..."_

_A small groan escaped Martins lips as he looked up and saw Ruthie smiling big and bright at him. "Hmm…go away. I'm trying to sleep." Martin mumbled as he looked over at the clock. Shaking his head in disbelief he laid his head back down on his pillow and pulled the blue and black cotton covers over his head. _

"_Come on Martin get up. It's your birthday." Ruthie shouted, and kept on jumping up and down._

_Getting really annoyed Martin grunted and placed the pillow over his head hoping that she would just go away and let him enjoy his day as he wanted. But knowing Ruthie she would probably not leave until she got him up. _

_Seeing that her tactics weren't working, she decided to do something different. She got down from the bed, walked over to the side he was on and pulled the covers off of him. Once the covers were off and his pajamas were showing, Ruthie lifted the pillow slightly, leaned closer to Martin's ear and yelled, "WAKE UP."_

_That shot Martin's eyes open and caused him to jump up so fast that he literately almost fell off his bed. He looked to his side to see Ruthie cracking up hysterically on the floor. It truly amazed him at how rude and disrespectable she was capable of being. But, then yet, he couldn't help but get a kick out of her cracking up._

"_Are you done laughing?" Martin wondered. _

_Ruthie giggled her last giggle and got up from her laying position to move closer to the bed. "Yes I'm done laughing…__hahahahahaa__." She couldn't help but bury her face in her arms that were resting on his bed and laugh. His reaction was priceless and the look on his face would never leave her mind._

"_I'm glad you find waking me up so funny…cause I don't." He looked down at her trying to sound all serious. "I find it rude and childish that you come in my room and wake me up. Yes I know it's my birthday, but did you have to wake me up." _

"_You sound like my dad…__hahaha__. I'm sorry, but the look on your face was worth it. And besides, you should want to get up. After all, it is your birthday." Ruthie explained. __**How could anyone want to sleep in on their birthday? **__Ruthie wondered to herself. _

"_It doesn't matter Ruthie. You still don't wake me up. And you definitely don't jump on the bed and scream in my ear to do it." Martin reprimanded. He was mad at her, but he also knew that all she wanted to do was wish him a happy birthday._

"_Sorry." Ruthie apologized. She hated when Martin was angry with her and thought it would be best that she leave. _

_Now he felt bad. He didn't want her to be upset with him or feel bad so he stopped her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken it like I did. You were just trying to wish me a happy birthday." _

_Hearing that he wasn't upset with her, made Ruthie feel a lot better. "So you're really not mad at me?" Ruthie asked. _

"_Yes…I'm not mad at you. Now do I get my birthday hug or what?" Martin laughed._

_Ruthie ran over and jumped on the bed and gave him the biggest hug that she could. This made him laugh even more. "You know you're just too cute."_

"_I know." Ruthie retorted. Everyone thought she was cute no matter what she did. _

_About 20 minutes later Martin was up and dressed in a pair of dirty washed looking jeans with a white __ginny__ tee and a tan open shirt over it. He had his new sneakers on that his aunt had sent him just three days before and the new watch she had also sent him. _

_The smell of pancakes and bacon lead Martin down the stairs to the kitchen where Annie stood making breakfast._

"_Happy birthday Martin."__ Annie exclaimed as she walked over to him and hugged him. _

"_Thanks Mrs. Camden. Breakfast smells and looks great. I hope you didn't do this just for my birthday." Martin said. He didn't want her to do all that just for him. She had already been kind enough to let him live with her._

"_Of course it is. It's your birthday today isn't it? Now sit down and I will give you your plate." Annie insisted. _

_Ruthie was sitting on a chair already waiting to eat something. She loved when her mom made pancakes cause she made them so good. Her pancakes came out golden brown and fluffy, just the way she liked them._

_Martin finished the breakfast Annie had made about 15 minutes later._

"_Martin __are__ you finished?" Ruthie asked. She had something nice planned for his birthday and she had to get him out so everyone could get the house ready for his surprise party. _

"_Yes why?" Martin questioned. _

"_Because…I have a surprise for you and __its__ not here."__ Ruthie explained. __**Why is he questioning me, **__Ruthie wondered. _

_Martin nodded his head and followed her out the door. He wondered what exactly she had planned for him. The suspense was going to drive him insane. _

Martin remembered how paranoid he was that day and laughed.

"_Where are we going?" Martin asked. _

"_You'll see…" Ruthie teased. _

"_Can__'__t you give me a hint…please..." Martin begged, which was something he wasn't very good at. _

"_Nope…you'll have to wait…" Ruthie answered. _

"_Ugh…fine." Martin groaned. It was his birthday and already he was annoyed._

"_Ok we're here." Ruthie smiled. _

_They were at a museum. "It's a museum?" Martin was confused. "Why are we here?" Martin asked._

"_Not just any museum, it's a new museum that has everything about baseball in it. I heard about it a while ago and thought you would like it. They have all of the famous players that came from California here. And other baseball stuff." Ruthie informed. _

_Martin was at a loss for words. "Wow...This is the best Ruthie…this really is." _

"_I knew you'd like it. Now let's go in and check it out. We have all day so take your time and really enjoy it. Also there is a gift shop so afterwards we can go there and get anything you want, my treat." Ruthie said with a smile. _

_Pulling her into his arms, Martin gave her the biggest bear hug and said, "Thanks Ruthie."_

_They spent about three and a half hours walking around the museum and another ten minutes in the gift shop where Ruthie got Martin a new cap and an autographed baseball._

"_That was amazing…I mean all that stuff…it was wow…" Martin was completely tongue tied. "Thanks for the new hat and the baseball. You didn't have to do that, just coming here was enough." Martin stated._

"_I know, but I wanted to. Let's go to the pool hall and get some food, my treat." Ruthie offered._

"_Yea I could use some food right about now. All that walking around made me hungry." Martin accepted her offer. _

_When they got to the pool hall they sat down and ordered their food._

"_Wanna play a game of pool while we wait." Martin asked. It was something to do while they waited for their food to come. _

"_Ok." _

_One game turned into two and two turned into three…and before they knew it they had spent two hours at the pool hall eating and playing pool, which was just what Ruthie wanted to happen. _

_When they arrived home, Martin and Ruthie were greeted by everyone yelling "SURPRISE….HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARTIN"_

_Martin was shocked, totally and utterly shocked that his mouth dropped. He wasn't expecting them to go all out for him, heck he wasn't expecting anything. _

"_Oh my God…Wow…thanks everyone…I wasn't expecting this at all." Then he put two and two together. "That's why you told me take my time at the museum." He turned to Ruthie._

"_I had to give them time to get ready." Ruthie said._

_That night they had a party for him and invited some friends from school and had cake. _

_The cake was chocolate with white icing and a baseball on the top. He was so thrilled that they had done this for him. It made him feel real happy to know that he was living with such kind people. As he cut the cake, Martin gave Ruthie her slice and instead of eating it she mashed it in his face which caused him to mash some right back in hers. They all laughed and Lucy got the camera and took a picture of Ruthie and Martin with cake all over their faces. _

Martin smiled as he remembered the look on Ruthie's face when he mashed the cake in her face. They couldn't stop laughing that they began crying. That was the best birthday he had ever had and if he ever wanted to have another birthday like that again with Ruthie he would have to go down there and face her. _I hope I can do this. I hope I can face her after all these months. Please God give me the strength to help her and make things right with us, _Martin prayed to himself. And with that Martin grabbed his keys and left, not knowing what would happen when he saw her.

**AN: I hope you all like this ****ch****…I want to give a shout out to all the people who have reviewed so far. Thank you so much for reviewing and letting me know how much you like this story. It means a lot that you review…****soo**** for those who aren't reviewing, please ****please**** review and let me know what you think…**


	4. Chapter 4

Camden Home

Eric was pacing the kitchen floor as he waited for Lucy, Annie, and Kevin to come home. He needed to give them the heads up that Martin was coming down. It was going to be hard for everyone, especially Ruthie. She didn't know Martin was coming down and she definitely wouldn't want him to come. _Did I do the right thing by asking him to come down? What if things get even worse? Annie is not going to be happy about this. She's gonna be pretty angry wit__h__ me for not talking to her about this, _Eric thought.

Moments later both Annie and Lucy walked through the door. Both of them had smiles on their faces and bags in their hands. The two girls looked up at Eric and both noticed he looked a little worried.

"Eric is everything alright? Is it your heart" Annie asked worryingly.

"No, no…nothing like that." Eric reassured her.

"Well then what is it dad?" Lucy questioned. She knew something was obviously bothering him by the way he looked.

Taking a deep breath and exhaling, Eric said, "I got a call from Ruthie's school today. Apparently she fed up with her morning class and walked right out the door. Heck she ditched school altogether."

The look on both Annie's and Lucy's face was priceless. Annie's mouth was wide open, her eyebrows raised as high as they could go, and disappointment in her eyes. Lucy was floored. Not only was Ruthie having an emotional and mental breakdown, bur she was becoming like Mary.

"She skipped school!!!!" Lucy yelled. "Why would she do something like that?" Lucy asked rhetorically.

"She's hurt and upset about Martin. I can see not talking to us or putting up this wall, but to skip school? That isn't like her. Heck Ruthie hasn't been acting like herself for the past five months." Annie stated.

"I know…that's why I called Martin and told him everything that has been going on." Eric paused. "That's why I asked him to come down and see her. He should be here this afternoon." Eric informed.

"YOU WHAT!!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT WILL DO TO RUTHIE. SHE ISN'T READY TO SEE HIM. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" Lucy shouted.

"Lucy calm down. Your dad did what he thought would help. As much as I would have liked for him to clue me in on his plan," Annie looked over in Eric's direction. "He didn't. So we just have to hope that all goes well." Annie finished. _Please let this work…please, _Annie prayed to herself.

"What are we going to do when Ruthie gets home? We can't yell at her or say anything that we know she skipped school. We have to act like we know nothing so that way she doesn't leave. I know the both of you are gonna want to say something, but don't." Eric explained.

"Fine!!" Annie and Lucy said in unison. They knew he was right. If they confronted Ruthie, then she would probably get annoyed and leave before she even saw Martin.

**Meanwhile**

Martin was racing down the road as fast as he could to get to the Camden home. The whole way down all he could think about was Ruthie. He thought about what he should say and how he should say it. Even if the rev. hadn't told him what had been going on and how she had been acting, he still wouldn't know what to do.

_What do I say to her? What does anyone say to their best friend after they had a baby with someone and left without so much as a goodbye or even a phone call or anything? I can't just go there and say Hey Ruthie, how have you been. It's not the same. She'll probably yell and push me again or maybe she won't speak to me at all. From what Eric told me…it doesn't sound like she talks at all._ Martin thought to himself as he pulled into the gas station.

Everything was getting so complicated. Things weren't suppose to be like this. Ruthie's life shouldn't have ended up like this. He had broken his best friends' heart without even realizing it. _I thought I was doing the right thing. I went to college early to be near my son and be responsible. I didn't mean to not keep in touch with her. Between school, baseball, and Aaron, I didn't have time to call or see anyone. Yea I could have email her or wrote her a letter…but I was scared. _Martin admitted to himself.

The dial on his gas meter was at full and Martin was off. Tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, Martin looked over at his clock. "2:30…I should be there by three or a little after." Martin said aloud. _Just thirty minutes until I walk into the mouth of hell. Because this isn't going to be easy…._Martin sighed.

**Camden home…20 minutes later**

Eric, Annie, And Lucy were all sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea when they heard the side door open…and in walked Ruthie.

_Remember what dad said, act like nothing…just be calm and resist the urge to go off on her, _Lucy told herself.

"Hey sweetie, how was your day?" Annie asked in a sweet voice. All she wanted was her daughter back.

"Fine…" Ruthie mumbled. She hated them for being so nosy. All they did was nag her or try and be all sympathetic.

_Oh this is going great…I hate to think what's going to happen when Martin gets here, _Eric wondered.

Lucy was sitting there drinking her tea and not saying a word. She knew once she opened her mouth all hell would break loose.

"So Ruthie, I'm gonna go to the bakery a little later on today. Would you like to come? We can get those pastries you love so much." Eric offered.

Ruthie just gave her father this look that said _does it look like I want to go get pastries? _"No." Ruthie replied. _How could he think pastries are gonna cheer me up? Is he really that dense? Why can't they just leave me alone? _Ruthie wondered.

Annie wanted so much to just take Ruthie in her arms and hold her. All she wanted was to bring back the little girl Ruthie used to be. But it seemed near impossible to even reach her. She needed some shred of hope, some sort of sign that everything would be ok again.

"I'm going to my room." Ruthie announced.

Just as Ruthie headed for the stairs, the side door opened. She figured it was probably Kevin coming with Savannah. But she stopped dead in hear tracks when out of the corner of her eye a figured appeared with jet black hair, nicely toned tan skin, and these amazing blue grey eyes that could stop a girls heart with just one look.

And then, she heard his voice call out her name. "Ruthie……"

**AN: I'm ****sooo**** sorry that I haven't updated in so long…but I promise I will start updating a lil more…So what will happen now that Ruthie saw Martin???...****r&r**** to find out…remember reviewing goes a long way…I also haven't updated cause I haven't gotten many reviews….****soo**** please review…..the more u review…the more I want to write……**


	5. Chapter 5

"Ma…Martin?" Ruthie stuttered. _What is he doing here? He hasn't been here in five months!_ Ruthie thought to herself as she stood on the bottom step of the stairs. She just couldn't believe that he was really there. Part of her was happy, but the other half was pissed off. All these emotions that she was feeling towards him were confusing her. She wanted to run into his arms and stay there forever, and then yet, she also wanted to beat the living crap out of him for hurting her like he did.

_Oh no this can't be good…she's not saying anything. I can't tell whether she is angry or not, her face is emotionless. Maybe having Martin come down was a bad idea._ Eric thought as he waited for Ruthie to respond. He just stood next to the kitchen table and prayed that everything would be ok. His heart couldn't take it if something happened.

"Ruthie…are you going to say anything?" Martin asked. He was worried now because for the last five minutes Ruthie hadn't said one word to him. Not knowing what to expect, Martin took a step back just in case Ruthie decided to lash out him.

"Yea, I am going to say something. Why are you here?" Ruthie asked. She could feel her anger boiling inside of her.

"I'm here because I missed you and because your dad asked me to come down." Martin responded. At that moment Ruthie shot an evil eye at her father and then looked back at Martin.

"He told me how you've been acting; skipping school, locking yourself in your room, and lashing out at your family? Ruthie this isn't like you. I know you're upset that I just left and haven't kept in touch, but that is no reason to act the way you are." Martin said.

From the look on Ruthie's, Eric, Annie, and Lucy all knew that Ruthie was going to raise hell. "I think we should give you guys sometime to talk." Eric hinted.

"No stay…you obviously didn't call him down here so you could go into the other room while we talked." Ruthie rolled her eyes. "Isn't that why you called him? So he could come down and talk to me, to make things all peachy keen?" Ruthie spat.

"Ruthie we just…" Annie was interrupted by a not so happy Ruthie.

Her face was red with anger, her eyes shot daggers, and her hands were clenched so tight that she was cutting off the circulation to her fingers.

"Don't Ruthie me…don't you dare Ruthie me. You think that him coming down here will change anything? That after talking to him I'll go back to being my happy go lucky self. What right do you have to call him and bring him here? He hasn't been here, hasn't called here, hell, he probably didn't even think about us. I mean he did live here for what, three yrs? You would think he'd at least sent a letter. What would make you think I would want to see him? Honestly, what the hell gave you the impression that I wanted to see Martin?" Ruthie stated.

_This isn't going as bad as I thought it would,_ Martin thought to himself. But little did he know that that was just the tip of the iceberg.

"Ruthie you haven't been yourself at all. You're shutting us out of your life and not letting us help you. All you do is mope around the house with headphones on so you don't have to hear us, your eyes are always red from crying, and your grades are dropping. If that isn't a cry for help then I don't know what is. All I know is that we all love you and want you to get better. That's why dad called Martin, that's why Martin is here, and that is why we are here." Lucy responded. Tears now filled her eyes for the sorrow she felt for Ruthie.

"Ruthie please…let's talk. Maybe you'll feel better if we talk. I know you have a lot to be angry about and I understand that, but please let me help." Martin pleaded. It killed him to see her like this.

"You, wanna help me…HA…if you really cared you would of called or something. I hate you…I hate you so much…You can't help me…" Ruthie said and ran to her room and locked the door.

"Well that went well." Eric said as he placed his hand under his chin.

Annie, Lucy, and Martin looked at him like "are you for real?"

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all." Martin implied. Judging from the way things just went; Martin knew that trying to get to Ruthie was going to be very very hard.

"No…she needs to talk to you. She needs to let it all out. But we must be patient. We need to give her some time to cool down." Annie spoke up.

"Yea…but what happens if we wait too late?" Eric asked.

The room suddenly went silent and stiff. Neither one of them wanted to think about that because the reality of something terrible happening was becoming more and more possible. The thought of something happening to Ruthie made scared the hell out of them. But it scared Annie a little more because she knew that Eric couldn't take any more drama or pain with his heart.

The silence that had filled the room was broken when Martin spoke up, "I'm going upstairs to try and talk to her. I didn't come down here for her to ignore me. I came here because my best friend needed." Taking a deep breath, Martin headed up stairs to Ruthie's room, a room he had been in so many times. But this time would be different. This time he wasn't going there to hangout with her and watch movies, but to try and fix their friendship.

When Ruthie got to her room she slammed her door so hard that she chipped it at the top. Right now all she wanted to do was to go back and stop herself from ever developing feelings for Martin. Things would be so much easier if she didn't have the feelings she had. Seeing him brought back so many memories of the good old days when they used to hang out and go to the movies and just have fun. Seeing him also brought back the pain and hurt that she had been trying so hard to forget. The pain she felt when he told her that he was going to be a father and the hurt she felt when she saw him with her and the baby was too much. Those feelings and memories were just too agonizing for her. That was why she locked herself away in her room and why she built a wall around herself shutting everyone and everything out of her life. It was easier to stop caring and feeling than it was to deal with it all.

_I can't believe they did this to me. Don't they understand what this is doing to me? I tried so hard to block my emotions and now this. Why can't they just leave me alone? Even if I wanted to feel something I couldn't. My heart was so badly broken that I have this wall up preventing me from ever feeling and getting hurt again. All they want is me to be back to normal so they can go back to being normal and happy. But this isn't about them. It's about me. They don't have to be miserable because I am. They're choosing to be that way. I on the other hand have reasons to be the way I am. What the hell is their excuse??? _Ruthie thought to herself. But her thoughts were soon interrupted with a knock at the door.

**Knock…knock…knock…**

"Who is it now…God can't I just be left alone in my own miserable world for five minutes without you people bothering me? Is it too much to ask for to have just a little privacy…" Ruthie shouted.

Martin sighed; he knew this wasn't going to be easy. "Ruthie, it's me, Martin…open up…I just wanna talk." Martin stated.

"You had five months to come and talk to me…but you didn't. I don't want to talk to you…just go back to her and the baby. That's where you want to be anyway." Ruthie retorted.

"Ruthie please…this isn't about them…it's about you and me." Martin replied.

"Yes it is…it has everything to do with them. And let's get one thing straight. There is no you and me. There never was and never has been." Ruthie announced.

"Ruthie just listen to me. I know you're upset with, but I came here to make things right with us. I want to regain your friendship and to help you through this. But I can't do that if you don't open up and let me in. You've been hiding your feelings long enough. It's time to let them out and forgive me. Didn't you always say everyone deserves a second chance to make things right. I want my chance to make things right with you. Please let me have that chance." By now Ruthie didn't want to hear any more of what he had to say. She opened her window quietly and climbed out onto the roof and climbed down the drain pipe like she had done many times before. Martin who was unknowing of this continued on. "I promise you that I won't ever hurt you again. You just have to open the door." Martin finished.

After a few minutes of not hearing anything, Martin got worried and picked the lock on Ruthie's door. "Ruthie I'm coming in." Martin informed.

When Martin was about to open he got this eerie feeling, like something was wrong. He opened the door and went in. To his surprise no one was there. Then he noticed the window was wide open. _Oh no...What if she fell...I would have heard her if she did. I better get the Camden's. _With that, Martin ran down the stairs like a bat out of hell to the kitchen.

Eric, Annie, and Lucy who were sitting at the table drinking their tea nearly spit their drinks out when they saw Martin fly down the stairs with a look of terror on his face.

"Oh my God…Martin what happened?" A worried Annie asked.

"Ruthie...window...gone." Martin couldn't get the words out.

"Martin just calm down and take it easy." Eric placed his hand on Martins shoulder trying to calm him down. "Now what happened?" He asked.

"I went upstairs to talk to Ruthie. After a few minutes I didn't hear anything so I picked the lock and went in. When I did, no one was there. Her window was wide open. She must have climbed out while I was talking." Martin informed.

"I'm gonna go get Kevin and have him call the guys at the station so that way if they see her they can bring her home."

"No don't do that. You'll just scare her and she'll just run from them. I'll go out and look for her since I'm the reason she ran in the first place." Martin offered. He looked down at the floor not wanting to see their faces.

"No…Martin this isn't your fault" Annie placed her hands on each side of his face and made him look at her. "You're just trying to help her and to be a good friend." She looked over at Lucy, "Lucy go home and tell Kevin. Have him go out and look for her to. In the meantime, your father and I will stay home just in case she comes back." Annie said.

"Ok." Lucy agreed and left.

Martin nodded and followed Lucy out the door.

"Oh Eric." Annie cried as Eric pulled her into his arms to comfort her.

"I know Annie, I know. It's gonna be ok…" Eric cooed.

"I hope you're right…God I hope you're right." Annie prayed.

Eric just pulled her close to him and kissed her gently on her forehead. All they could do now was sit and wait. Wait for someone to call with some news on where and if their daughter was ok. The hardest thing for a parent is not knowing where your child is and to not know whether or not they are coming back. But they had to have faith that someone would find her because without faith there is fear, and the fear of losing their daughter was a feeling they were not ready for. But, then yet, what parent is ever ready to lose a child?

**AN: Hey guys….****sooosry**** it took me 4ever to update…I've just been ****rly**** busy lately and haven't had any ideas…but don't ****wrry****…I plan on updating a lot more now…so please ****r&r****…if you like my story and want me to continue…please review…it means a lot that u review…if you can take time to read…u can take time to review… remember lots of reviews makes me want to update a lot more…I hope u liked this ****ch****…**


	6. Chapter 6

**Lucy's House**

Lucy had just arrived home and went through the back door that was connected to the kitchen, which was where Kevin was. When she entered, Kevin noticed the horrified and worried look on her face and went to her side. The only time she ever got like this was when Eric's heart was bothering him and she thought he was dying. "Lucy what's wrong? Is it your dad's heart? What's going on?" Kevin asked.

Before Lucy had a chance to finish, Martin came walking through the back door looking even more worried and horrified than Lucy did.

"Ok someone needs to tell me what's going on because my wife just came home looking worried and now you just came through the door looking like you were scared shitless. So please tell me what's going on here." Kevin demanded.

"As you know, Rev. Camden called me and told me about Ruthie and asked that I come down and see her. Well when she came home and saw me in the kitchen she practically my head off as well as Rev. Camden and Mrs. Camden. After that she went to her room and I went up to talk to her and tried to get her to open up" Martin paused. He took a deep breath and then continued, "I didn't hear anything after a few minutes and got worried. So I picked the lock and went in. When I opened her door I saw that no one was in there and that her window was opened. Ruthie's gone and we can't find her." Martin explained. By the time he finished, his throat was drier than a piece of toast.

Kevin who was now standing in the middle of his kitchen taking in all of what he heard, plopped down onto the stool that was right beside him and said, "You know, I had a feeling that one of these day's she was going to run away."

The look on Lucy's face when Kevin said that was absolutely priceless. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAD A FEELING? IF YOU HAD A FEELING THAT SHE WAS GOING TO RUNAWAY WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" Lucy screamed, which caused Martin to jump a little.

"Ok one, calm down. Two, it was just a feeling. I didn't think I should tell you because you were already frustrated and worried about Ruthie. I'm sorry." Kevin replied. He hadn't meant to keep it from her on purpose.

"I'm sorry I yelled. I'm just really worried about her. She's my little sister." Lucy started to cry. And with that, Kevin pulled Lucy into his arms and gently rubbed her back.

"Shh…it's ok Lucy. We'll find her. I promise you we will." Kevin said as he kissed her forehead.

"I'm gonna the south side of town and you check the north side of town. If I find her I'll call you. But give me some time to talk to her before you show up." Martin said. He really hoped he was the one to find her because he was the one she was most angry with. _Please god let me find her….please let her be alright,_ Martin prayed to himself.

"Alright…but if by nine o'clock she isn't found, I'm going to the station and putting in a missing persons report. So at nine we either meet somewhere or call each other. Either way, at nine I'm putting in the report." Kevin informed.

"I hope it doesn't come to that." Lucy cried. The worst part about Ruthie running away was having to call Matt, Mary, and Simon. They all loved Ruthie a lot and wanted her to get better. Mary and Matt were in NY, so if they came it would be a while before they got there. And Simon was only two hrs away. _Oh God Simon…He's not going to handle this. He and Ruthie are so close I wonder if mom called him yet. _Lucy wondered to herself.

"You guys should get going. In the meantime, I'm gonna call Simon and let him know what's going on." Lucy stated.

_Oh no, Simon. He's going to kill me. Heck, he's probably going to kill me, take me to the taxidermy to get stuffed, and mount me on his wall or keep me to use as his punching bag, _Martin thought to himself. At this thought Martin swallowed hard and tried not to think about Simon finding out.

"Alright…let's get going. I have my cell phone on loud, so if you find her, call me. Lucy if we find her I'm going to call your parents first and then you." Kevin said. He kissed Lucy goodbye and both he and Martin headed out the door.

"God, please let them find her. I don't think I could handle anything happening to her." She wiped her tears. "And I ask that you give me the strength to make the call to Simon because I know telling him about what happened is going to be hard and painful." Lucy prayed aloud.

Picking up the telephone, Lucy took a deep breath and dialed Simon's number.

Ring…ring…ring

Simon had just walked in the door when his phone started ringing. "Hello" Simon greeted.

"Simon, its Lucy." Lucy answered.

"Oh hey Luce. How are you?" Simon said happily. He hadn't talked to her in awhile and was happy she had called.

"I'm fine." Lucy replied. She was trying to act as natural as possible. It was going to be hard for her to tell him.

"That's good. Is everything ok down there? You sound kinda odd. Is Savannah ok?" Simon asked worryingly.

"She's fine." She paused. "Listen Simon, Ruthie has runaway and we don't know where she went. Martin came down because dad called him and told him how Ruthie's been and when she saw him she completely flipped out. When Martin went to go talk to her he saw that her window was open and that she was gone." Lucy stated.

A look of utter shock and fear washed over Simon. In that moment all sorts of thoughts began racing through his mind. _What was she thinking! Climbing down the drain pipe? She could have gotten hurt. Oh my God. My little sister just ran away and I wasn't there to help her. What if she gets hit by a car? Or falls down somewhere unconscious? _All these thoughts started to make Simon sick to his stomach. He would never forgive himself if anything happened to her.

"Simon? Are you there? Please Simon say something." Lucy begged.

"I'm coming down. Call mom and dad and tell them I will be there as soon as I can." Simon responded.

"I'll call them, but please don't drive like a maniac to get here. Mom and dad don't need a phone saying you were in an accident. Just take your time." Lucy pleaded. She didn't need something happening to him. It was bad enough that Ruthie ran away and was causing everyone in the house grief. The last thing they needed was Simon getting into an accident.

"Ok Luce, I promise. I just can't believe she would do something like this. This isn't like her. Heck she hasn't been acting right since Martin left. It's all Martin's fault. If he hadn't left like he did and broke her heart this wouldn't have happened. All he had to do was stay in touch or something. He had to have known how much Ruthie cared about him. And if he didn't, well then he's just stupid." Simon yelled.

"Simon you can't blame Martin for this. Yea, I admit he could have stayed in touch or gave a better goodbye, but he didn't. But Ruthie shutting everyone out and running away is her own doing, not Martins. I understand she had feelings for him, but she should have told him. But this isn't about whose fault it is. Right now, all that matters is that Ruthie is missing and we need to find her. Kevin and Martin are out now looking for her. If she isn't found by nine, then Kevin is putting in a missing person's report." Lucy informed.

"Wait Martin is out looking for her? If she sees him she'll just run even more. I'm hanging up now and I will be there in an hour." And with that being said, Simon hung up the phone and left.

"Simon….SIMON…Ugh…" Lucy groaned.

**The Park**

The park was quiet, and that was the way Ruthie liked it. It was the one place she liked to go and just think. Her favorite thing to do was to sit on the swings and swing as high as she could. She felt free, like nothing could touch her. Swinging higher and higher made all her problems seem so tiny, like the higher she went, the further away all her problems were. And right now, all she wanted was to feel free. Free from her feelings, her family, and from Martin. Martin, the man who had broken her heart and left without so much as a goodbye or even a thank you for being there. That was the man she so desperately wanted to be free from. But for some twisted reason, God brought him back into her life, making all the hurt and pain become even more intensified.

_Why now God? Huh? Why did he come back now after he left me with my heart shattered into a million pieces? If this is some kind of cruel joke, I'm not laughing. This isn't fair God. He was my best friend. The one person I could talk to about anything. The guy I had feelings for. When he told me about Sandy and the baby of course I was upset, but I became a little ok with it. But when he left to go be with them without a goodbye or thanks for being there for me that truly hurt. __Hemust__ have known I cared about him, my feelings toward him. How did he not see it? I've been there for him and what do I get? Zip, zilch, nada, nothing. Not even a fricking letter or email, AND HE KNOWS I HAVE EMAIL. It isn't that hard to go on a computer and write an email. Hell he could have called to, but I guess he didn't have the time to do that because of HER AND IT. Having to attend to their every whim and need must have kept him so busy that he forgot about his best friend, the person who was always there for him. God I hate her. Why did she have to sleep with my best friend and get knocked up? He didn't have to take responsibility. Why does he have to be so damn responsible and always do the right thing? That's part of the reason I fell for him. Not anymore. I hate him. I hate him more than anything in the world. There are times I wish I had never met him and there are times I wish it was me he got pregnant. But there's no use in wishing, _Ruthie thought to herself as she continued to swing higher and higher.

The night air had gotten chillier since she got there and she wasn't even aware that her body was cold. Since he left, Ruthie had become numb to all feelings. Being numb to the cold wasn't good and her not being aware of it was even worse because she could end up getting really sick.

Luckily, Martin had just finished searching the woods and entered the park. When Martin looked up he nearly yelled for joy to see Ruthie sitting on the swings. Reaching into his pocket he saw that the time read eight o'clock. _Good thing I found her. I only had an hour until Kevin filed the report. Oh crap I have to call Kevin. _Martin quickly texted Kevin saying that he found her and that she was in the park and to give him a couple of minutes to talk to her before he showed up. After the text was sent, Martin slowly walked over to where Ruthie was. _Please don't let her run again. I hope she lets me talk to her, _Martin prayed to himself.

Ruthie began slowing down on the swing and when she did she heard someone coming up behind her. _Oh crap! Why did Martin have to come __here_She didn't even need to turn around to know it was him.

"Go away Martin, I don't wanna talk to you." Ruthie growled.

"How did y…" Martin was cut off.

"I just know. I don't have anything to say to you. So why don't you go back to HER AND IT and save us both the misery of having to talk to each other." Ruthie spat.

"She has a name you know. It's Sandy. And my son has a name to, it's Aaron. I don't appreciate you calling them that. You don't like Sandy, I know that. But my son? He's just a baby. He hasn't done anything to you." Martin exclaimed.

"So you're sticking up for her now? I thought you didn't like her." Ruthie asked sarcastically.

"I'm not in love with her if that's what you're implying. We both agreed to give each other a chance and become friends. And we have become friends. I care about her as a friend, nothing more. And she feels the same. There is nothing wrong with two people who have a kid together to be friends. I don't think I need to explain my actions to you" Martin replied. He was getting annoyed with the way she was acting.

Ruthie cringed at the sentence, _have a kid together. _It made her want to puke at the thought of him and Sandy sleeping together. "I don't care who you're friends with. You can befriend anyone you want. I'm not saying you can't. But what I don't get is how at first you wanted nothing to do with her and your son and then the next minute you're leaving to go be with them." Ruthie retorted.

Martin sighed and said, "I had a responsibility Ruthie. What did you want me to do? I moved closer to them so I could have a chance to get to know my son and be there for him." Martin stated.

"You could have done that living here. You didn't need to go. But you did and you left without saying goodbye. Do you know how much that hurt? My best friend didn't bother to say goodbye when he left and didn't have the decency to keep in touch. You know email, letter, phone call, or even a visit would have been nice." Ruthie said angrily.

"I know I should have said goodbye a little better. And I'm sorry I haven't called or anything but I've been busy with Aaron, school, a job, and baseball. I'm so sorry Ruthie. I didn't forget you; I could never ever forget you. You're my best friend." Martin replied. He truly felt bad that he didn't call, he really did.

As Martin looked closer at Ruthie he noticed that she was shaking. He took his jacket off and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Ruthie you're shaking. Wear my jacket to keep you warm."

As quickly as Martin put the jacket on did Ruthie have it off. She threw the jacket to ground and stomped on it. "I don't need your damn jacket. What I need is for you to go away. I hate you Martin Brewer, and I curse the day that I met you. And I curse the day I started having feelings for you." Ruthie shouted.

Martin was completely taken back by Ruthie's confession. He had no idea she had feelings for him. Of course he knew that she cared about him, just not in that way. The look on Martin's face was as though he had just been slapped across the face. He was utterly flabbergasted.

"Wait…you…you liked me more than a friend." Martin asked rhetorically. "I had no idea you had a crush a me. Why didn't you tell me?"

_God men really are blind and stupid. How could he not have known? And does he not think that I wanted to tell him. Of course I did. I just didn't know how. I couldn't just come out and say, "Martin I'm falling for you." It's not as simple as that,_ Ruthie said to herself. Her body started shaking more from the cold. Her cheeks and nose were as red as a rose.

"I didn't have a crush on you dumbass. I fell in love with you. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to be left alone." Ruthie snapped. The tears were welling up in her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall. She couldn't let them fall, not in front of him.

Looking into her eyes, Martin could tell she wanted to cry. He could see it in her face how upset she was. It killed him to see her like this. She seemed so different than he remembered. Her eyes weren't bright with happiness, her smile was gone, and all the life and spirit that used to flow through her had disappeared. Instead, when he looked into her eyes, he saw darkness, anger, pain, and hate. The sight in front of him made him want to cry. For the first time since his mom had died, Martin truly felt like crying. He had broken his best friend's heart without realizing or meaning to and caused her to be the way she was. Knowing that he was the reason that a once lively and high on life girl turned to that of a dark and lifeless girl made Martin want to sit down and die.

_Why didn't she just tell me? I don't feel for her like that. At least I don't think I do. Not now anyways. But she should have told me. We could have talked. I still would have gone, but at least I would have known. The whole __me__ not contacting her thing was partly because I was busy, but the other part was because I felt scared. Scared that she had changed her mind and didn't want to be my friend anymore because of what I had done. I would have contacted her sooner or later, _Martin admitted to himself.

"I didn't know. I'm sorry. How did you expect me to know how you felt if you didn't tell me. I don't have feelings for you like you do me, at least not now. But we still could have talked and avoided this whole situation of you putting a wall up around yourself and shutting everyone in your life out. You can't keep going the way you're going Ruthie. It's not healthy for you to keep going the way you're going. You could end up having a mental and physical break down. You're hurting yourself more by doing this. Stop keeping your feelings bottled up inside, skipping school, avoiding people, and mostly treating your family the way you're treating them. That isn't right. If you wait too long to get help then it might be too late to get better. Don't you want to go back to being happy and feeling something. From what I heard all you do is mope around the house, stay locked up in your room and away from everyone. This wall you have built around you isn't helping you. It's only hurting you more and more. I understand you're afraid of getting hurt, but you can't go on like this. Are you trying to kill yourself?" Martin replied.

With that final word, Ruthie exploded. "HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL. SO DON'T STAND THERE AND TELL ME YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH. YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN. YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR BEST FRIEND LEAVE AND FORGET ABOUT YOU SO HE COULD GO TAKE CARE OF SOME STUPID BITCH WHO GOT HER SELF KNOCKED UP. I COULDN'T TELL YOU HOW I FELT BECAUSE IT'S KINDA HARD TO COME OUT AND TELL SOMEONE YOU FELL FOR THEM, YOU JERK…AND I DON'T CARE WHAT MY FAMILY THINKS. IF I WANNA BUILD A WALL UP AND KEEP EVERYONE OUT, I DAMN WELL CAN. IT'S MY LIFE. IT'S EASIER NOT TO FEEL SOMETHING THEN HAVE TO FEEL PAIN AND MISERY EVERYDAY….BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I FELT AND THAT IS SOMETHING I NEVER WANT TO FEEL AGAIN. THAT IS WHY I PUT A WALL UP. I DON'T NEED HELP. IF I DIE BECAUSE OF IT…OH WELL…I RATHER BE DEAD THAN HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU." Ruthie screamed. For the first time in awhile she felt better; letting her feelings out felt so much better than keeping than in.

Martin was literally blown away by her outrage and felt compelled to yell back. And he did. "SHE'S NOT A BITCH. SO PLEASE STOP CALLING HER THAT." Martin paused. He wasn't going to yell back at her because two wrongs don't make a right. "I may not have felt what you have, but I understand what you're going through. But I'm not gonna sit here and watch you slowly kill yourself. Because I know I won't be able to handle burying my best friend." He started crying. "I couldn't be at your funeral knowing that I was the reason you died. I couldn't handle that. The thought of you in a casket scares the shit out of me. That is something I don't want to happen. I care about you Ruthie way too much to let that happen. Please let me help you. Let your family help. Just take down the wall and start living and feeling again. I know you don't want those feelings to come back, but they will. And you just have to take it one day at a time. I'll be there for you if you let me. Just please…don't wait too long to get help." Martin pleaded with her. His eyes were red, tears were falling down his cheeks, and his heart was bleeding for her.

The sight of him crying didn't affect her like she thought it would. Seeing him cry made her break down crying. Martin bent down, picked up his jacket from the ground, and brushed off the dirt that was on it. He then took the jacket and placed it around Ruthie's small petite form. With this gesture, Ruthie looked up into Martins eyes, and almost smiled.

Just as their moment ended, Kevin pulled up and went over to them. "Ruthie are you okay? Do you have any idea how worried your mom and dad are?" Kevin questioned.

_No…ugh…why did he have to show up now. I was getting__ through__ to her. He's going to make it worse by annoying her. Damn him, _Martin yelled to himself.

"Kevin just back off. You're only going to make her more annoyed. And I finally got her to talk to me and almost smile. So please stop." Martin begged. He had his chance right there and then Kevin came blew it.

"I didn't smile. So almost doesn't count. And if you thought you were getting through to me, you're wrong." Ruthie lied. Just then Simon's car pulled into the park and she ran to it and hopped in. "Please get me the hell out of here now. Take me to your place, please." Ruthie asked desperately. Martin had gotten through to her just a bit, but she couldn't admit it.

"I'm sorry Ruthie, but I can't do that. You can't run from your problems. You've got to stay and face them whether they are painful or not." Simon encouraged. As much as he wanted to take her to his place and away from Martin, he knew that she needed to stay and work things out.

"I can't." Ruthie admitted.

"Yes you can. You can do anything. You're strong and I know you can do it. I believe in you." Simon said comfortingly.

_I'm not strong. I can't even hide my feelings or face them. I'm a coward. A good for nothing coward who hides from the truth, _Ruthie scolded herself.

"Now let's get out of the car and go over there." Simon ordered.

"Ok. Just give me a minute to warm up in here and I'll meet you over there." Ruthie lied.

"Alright." Simon got out of the car and went over to where Kevin and Martin were standing.

"Please tell me you didn't leave the car on with the keys in the ignition?" Kevin asked.

"Yea she said she was cold and needed to warm up for a minute so I left the car on. Why?"

"Oh crap." Martin exclaimed.

When the three guys looked back at Simon's black Aussie Holden GTSR, they saw Ruthie hop into the driver's seat and prepare to drive away. Martin, who was the first to look up, bolted to the front of the car to keep her from driving away. "Ruthie please don't do this. Park the car and let's talk."

"Martin get out of the way. I swear to God I will run you over if you don't move." Ruthie cried. She knew she could never do that.

Both Kevin and Simon got on each side of the car, blocking her from moving. "Ruthie please turn off the engine and unlock the doors." Kevin pleaded with her.

Ruthie looked up at Martin and cried harder. She put the car in reverse, backed up, and then proceeded to drive away. _Crap why didn't we block the back end of the car, _thought Simon who was worried that an accident was about to happen.

Martin ran in front of the car just as Ruthie started to drive away. When Ruthie saw Martin dive in front of the car she quickly jammed on the brakes. _Oh my God…I almost ran him over…I think I'm gonna puke,_ Ruthie said to herself. With that, Ruthie got out of the car and threw up. Martin went to her side and held her hair back for her and gently rubbed her back. "It's ok Ruthie…its ok."

Neither one of the other men yelled at her for trying to drive away. They figured her almost running over the guy she was in love with was consequence enough.

"I wanna go home." Ruthie cried and went into Martin's arms. "Please…take me home." Ruthie requested.

All three men looked at each other and nodded in agreement. "The both of you are driving with me. Martin, carry Ruthie to the car and we can go." Simon ordered. Both Martin and Ruthie nodded their heads. Ruthie was in no mood to argue with Simon and didn't want to hear him go on and on if she refused.

Kevin pulled out his cell phone to call the Camden's to let them know they were on their way. He had called them earlier and told them that Martin had found her. They were relieved to know she was alright.

**Camden Home**

Eric and Annie had been sitting next to the phone hoping that Kevin would call again and say that their little girl was coming home. Since they left to go and search for her, Eric and Annie each had about ten cups of coffee. They were so worried and when they received word that Ruthie was found they felt a little less worried. It wouldn't be until Ruthie was home and safely in their arms that they would feel at ease. In that very moment, the phone rang and Annie picked up faster than you can what's cooking.

"Hello, Kevin. You are….oh thank god…We'll see you in a bit." Annie hung up.

"That was Kevin. He, Martin, and Simon are bringing Ruthie home." Annie exclaimed.

"Thank God." Eric praised.

About ten minutes later the sound of a car pulling into the drive could be heard.

"They're home…….

**AN: Hey guys…sorry I haven't updated in a while…I've been super busy…but I promise I will try and update again soon…as for my other stories…I'll try and get something out soon…hope you all like this ****ch**** n please review…I like getting reviews…n reviews is what keeps me wanting to write…so please review….**


	7. Chapter 7

**Camden Home**

Simon had just pulled into the driveway with Martin and Ruthie in the backseat. Martin had Ruthie in his lap with his jacket wrapped around her. As much as Ruthie wanted to slap him and go into the front the seat, she couldn't. She couldn't because Simon would just yell at her, and she had almost run Martin over with Simon's car. So slapping him right now probably wouldn't be a good idea. But what kind of bothered her was the fact that Simon wouldn't take her to his place to get away. He was her brother and refused to help her. Out of all her siblings, Simon was the one she was closest to, the one she could depend on. And now, now she didn't know what to think because he brought her back to the very place she was running from.

Martin looked at Ruthie and asked, "Are you ready to go in?" In that second Simon responded for Ruthie, "It doesn't matter if she is or isn't. She's going in and she's going to tell them what happened and that she's sorry."

"Don't tell me what to do. I'm not saying shit to anyone. All I'm doing is going straight to my room." Ruthie got out of Martin's arms and opened the back door. Before getting out, she looked at Simon and said, "I thought you were my brother. You said you would always be there for me. And when I ask you to take me to your house because I really can't stand being here…what do you do…you bring me back here. I hate you Simon. Thanks for nothing." And with that, Ruthie slammed the car door and walked to the back door of the house. She was soon followed by Martin who was a bit shocked that she had just told Simon off.

Simon, who was still in the driver's seat, had this look of terror on his face. _She hates me? I wanted to bring her back to my place. I understand not being able to stay here when you're angry and hurt. But I just couldn't. As much as she needs to get away, she also needs to stay and work things out. Maybe after things are done here she can stay with me for a while. It might help; Simon_ pondered to himself and got out of the car.

Annie and Eric eagerly waited in the kitchen for their baby girl to come walking in. All they wanted to do was to hold her in their arms and never let go. But that probably wasn't going to happen. The next thing they knew, Ruthie came flying through the back door in a heat of rage with Martin following close behind her. Both parents looked at each other like _oh know…this can't be good._

"Ruthie he was just trying to help." Martin pleaded. If looks could kill he'd be dead. The look Ruthie shot him was full of rage and pure evil. For a second there, Martin honestly thought she was gonna go all exorcist on him and that her head would start spinning. That would be a sight to see.

"Help…if he wanted to help he could have just taken me to his place so I didn't have to come back to this shit hole." Ruthie roared back. If this had been the wild, Ruthie would be the one lioness everyone would be afraid of because when she roared…she really roared.

"What are you two talking about?" Annie was confused. "Ruthie I'm glad you're ok." Annie went up to Ruthie and pulled her into her arms. "I was so worried something had happened to you. Why did you runaway? You know running away from problems never solves anything." Annie inquired. She looked into her daughters eyes and saw not hate this time, but sadness and fright; something she hadn't seen in Ruthie's eyes for a long time.

One of the great things about Annie was her ability to see that something was wrong. She knew exactly what someone was feeling by looking into their eyes. For Annie, the eyes say it all because the eyes are the windows to the soul.

"I found her at the park swinging on the swings. When I confronted her we had a fight and then it turned to talking. Kevin came and annoyed her and then Simon pulled up and she ran to his car. She begged him to take her to his place and he said no. Then she lied and asked to stay in the car to warm up before she came out and talked to me. Well when Simon came over we asked about his car not being on. To make a long story short, Ruthie tried to drive away and almost ran me over." Martin informed.

Annie's mouth fell open, Eric tried not to laugh, and Ruthie eased out of her mother's arms and felt like she wanted to throw up again. Just then Simon came through the back door. "Why is dad laughing?" Simon asked.

"I'm not laughing. I just can't believe Ruthie did that." He turned and looked at Ruthie. "Do you know how stupid that was? You could have killed someone or been killed. The thought of you trying to drive your brothers car away is funny, but you almost killing this boy over here," He pointed to Martin, "whom I consider one of my own children…is not funny." Eric said calmly, trying not to get all worked up.

"YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT!!! I GOT SICK AFTERWARDS. I GOT OUT OF THE CAR AND THREW UP…I DIDN'T WANT TO ALMOST HIT HIM...I MAY HATE HIM, BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO KILL HIM. A BITCH I MAY BE…BUT A MURDER I AM NOT." Ruthie yelled yet again and went to her room.

This time she didn't slam the door. Instead, she got on her bed, pulled her pillow that was covered with blue and pink swirls to her and cried. Her long, brown, curly hair lay sprawled out over her shoulders and the pillow. At the edge of the bed there lay a purple blanket. Reaching over to the edge of the bed, Ruthie grabbed the blanket and pulled it up over her. All she wanted right now was to wake up from the nightmare she was in and have everything go back to normal. But the sadly, the world she was living in was reality. A reality she wanted so desperately out of. If one thing is for certain it's that reality bites.

"I'll go up and talk to her." Martin offered.

"No…I will." Simon intervened. "I need to talk to her about something and then you can talk to her."

Martin nodded. He knew that Ruthie needed at least one sibling to open up to. Even though she was angry at him, he knew that Simon would find a way to make her forgive him.

**Ruthie's Room**

Simon walked up the attic stairway hoping that her door wouldn't be closed or locked because trying to talk to someone through a closed door is hard. Luckily, Ruthie's door was indeed open.

"Ruthie…we need to talk."

"I'm not speaking to you." Ruthie mumbled.

"I know you're angry at me, but please don't be. You know as well as I do that you needed to come back. You can't runaway when life throws you problems. You've just got to deal with them. If you'd like, maybe after you talk to Martin you can come stay with me for a little while. It might do you good." Simon offered.

Ruthie jumped off her bed and ran into Simon's arms and cried. "Could I really stay with you?" She asked making sure she had heard right.

Simon chuckled at her outburst and said, "Of course you can. But I have some rules," Ruthie groaned when he said rules. "I don't want you walking around like your dead. If you're staying with me for a while you're going to try and get better and get out of this depression/black hole that you're in. This means no more acting out, no more of this wall you have put up, and you're going to start feeling again. It's going to be hard, but I know you can do it. If you break your promise to me and don't try, I'm taking you home and I won't speak to you until you're better." Simon declared.

_Maybe staying with Simon won't be so bad…but I hope he realizes that it's going to take some time for me to get better, _Ruthie thought to herself.

"Fine…but I hope you know that I don't intend on forgiving Martin anytime soon. I'm only agreeing to go back to my old self. I'll take down the wall and start living and feeling again. But I'm not forgiving him that easily." Ruthie stated.

"I'm not asking you to. Like I said, it's going to take time for everything. We're just taking it one step at a time." Simon smiled. "I'm going to go talk to mom and dad about you staying with me. In the mean time, Martin is coming up. Just talk to him…please."

"Fine" was all Ruthie could say.

With those final words, Simon went downstairs to talk to his parents about having her stay with him. When Simon came down, he looked over at Martin and nodded. It was now Martin's turn to talk to her…

**AN: What would she say? Would she try and run? Or maybe even fling something at him? If you want to find out, please r&r…don't just read and not review. Remember, reviews make me want to write…the more reviews, the more I know people want me to continue…**


	8. Chapter 8

"I guess it's my turn to go and talk to her." Martin stated. He wasn't sure about what he should say to her. He already said that he was sorry for not saying goodbye and for not keeping in touch with her. Then he remembered Ruthie's words, "_I fell in love with you."_ Those words rang in his head like bells.

Simon could sense that Martin was nervous about going up and speaking to her. He was just as scared and nervous as Ruthie was about talking to him. "It's going to be ok Martin. Just take a deep breath and go on up." Simon said.

_How could he say it's going to be ok? How does he know that it will, _Martin wondered to himself. "It's not that easy Simon. I don't know what to say to her. What do you say to your best friend after finding out that they fell in love with you?" Martin asked.

"You talk to her about it. That's the only thing you can do." Simon replied. Of course it wasn't the reply Martin was hoping for, but it was a reply none the less.

Eric put a hand on Martin's shoulder and said, "Just listen to what she has to say. And when it comes time to speak, speak from your heart. Your heart's always in the right place Martin, so listen to it. It won't ever steer you wrong." Eric's words gave Martin some comfort, but not enough comfort.

"Thanks Mr. Camden." Martin replied.

Before making his way up the white, pink, and soft carpeted stairs, Martin gave one last look to Eric and Annie. Both of them gave him a smile and nodded. _It's now or never, _Martin said to himself as he headed toward the attic. Once Martin was out of sight and out of hearing distance, Simon began to tell his parents about his idea of having Ruthie come and stay with him.

The walk towards Ruthie's room felt like forever. It was though time had stopped and everything in the world had stopped with it. There were pictures hanging on the walls that brought a smile to Martin's face. In those pictures there was a young, happy, and smiling Ruthie. Oh how he wished he could make her smile like that again. Martin finally made it to the attic moments later, but stopped right outside of Ruthie's door. He stared at her door, debating whether or not he should go in. As he stood there staring at the door, he noticed that it seemed to be getting smaller and further away. Was he having a panic attack? No, he couldn't be, not Martin. Shaking the feeling off, Martin took a deep breath and entered Ruthie's room.

Ruthie was sitting on her bed Indian style with her pillow in her lap when she looked up and saw Martin enter her room. She didn't want to talk to him, but if she wanted to stay with Simon, she had to. If it was up to her, she'd skip speaking to him and just go straight to Simon's. But that wasn't going to happen.

"Hey Ruthie. How are you feeling?" Martin asked.

No reply.

"Please talk to me. Why are you so angry with me? Besides me not saying goodbye and not keeping in touch. Why else are you mad?" He pleaded. There were so many questions that needed to be answered.

"Are you serious? I told you why." Ruthie replied.

"You can't honestly be mad at me for not knowing you fell in love with me. How was I supposed to know that if you didn't tell me? I'm not psychic Ruthie." Martin retorted. _I wish I was psychic. Then maybe I could have stopped this from happening, _Martin thought to himself.

"It's not just that. I hate you for sleeping with her. Do you know what that did to me? Do you? For night's I couldn't sleep because every time I closed my eyes I saw you with her. Every time I looked at you I would see images of you and her together and it made me sick. How could you ruin your first time by sleeping with that piece of trash? You always said you were waiting till you got married. You even criticized Simon for it and then you turn around and sleep with the first thing you meet." Ruthie hissed.

"I've asked you repeatedly to stop calling her trash. I'm sorry you got those images in your head, I really am. But what does my sex life have to do with this? It was my mistake. Are you mad cause she got pregnant and I had to go live closer to her to be with my son? Or is it something else." Martin implied. _Could she…no, she couldn't be saying what I think she's saying. Is she? _Martin thought.

"Don't you get it? Martin I fell in love with you. I wanted to be with you. And by be with you I mean being your girlfriend. I wanted you to be the first guy I slept with. I wanted you to wait. And yea, I hate that you got her pregnant because that took any chance I had of dating you out the window." Ruthie tried so hard not to let her tears fall as she confessed her true feelings.

_She wanted me to be her first? Even if the Sandy thing never happened, I still would of have been with Meredith. _"Ruthie even if Sandy never got pregnant and I didn't move I would have been with Meredith. Why would you have held onto a dream that didn't have a chance of coming true?" Martin acknowledged.

"Because I hoped that you would have dumped her some time or another and saw me as something more than some stupid girl you used to live with. I tried many times to get you to notice me. Heck, I even tried to tell you how I felt. But nothing worked. I was stupid to think that you would ever see me as more than a friend." Ruthie could no longer hide her tears, no matter how hard she tried. Tears began to fall from her big brown eyes as she looked at the man who broke her heart.

The sight of seeing her crying was killing him. Before he felt guilty, now he felt even worse. She was holding onto a dream with false hope. "I don't see you as some stupid girl I lived with. I never have and you know it. But you knew I was with Meredith and you continued to let yourself believe that there was a chance of me and you. I'm sorry Ruthie. No matter what happened you still would have gotten hurt. It didn't matter if Sandy was pregnant or not. In the end, I still would have broken your heart. Would you have done this if Sandy wasn't pregnant?" Martin asked.

"It doesn't matter what if because she was pregnant and you have a son. So let's not play what if." Ruthie growled.

"No Ruthie, I want an answer. Would have been this mad and done the things you've done." Martin repeated.

"I still would have been upset if that's what you're asking. That hurt won't ever go away no matter what the situation would have been. I kept hoping because I really fell in love with you. I loved you so much it hurt. You were the one person I could be myself around; tell my secrets to, the person I saw my life with. But that dream is gone. I told you what you wanted, now go away. Go back to that piece of trailer trash and that mistake you call your son." Ruthie quickly regretted her last chosen words.

Martin's face soon became red with anger and his eyes filled with rage. She had crossed the line big time. "EXCUSE ME…" Martin was now five inches away from Ruthie's face. "DON'T YOU EVER CALL MY SON A MISTAKE AGAIN. HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME. AND FOR THE LAST TIME, STOP CALLING HER TRAILER TRASH. IF IT'S ANYONE'S FAULT THAT YOU GOT YOUR HEART BROKEN, IT'S YOURS." Martin paused and thought back to Eric's words, _"__speak from the heart, not your head." _When he looked up at Ruthie he saw her trembling with fear and tears falling from her eyes faster than before. "Ruthie I didn't mean…" Martin didn't finish because Ruthie had cut him off.

"GET OUT…I TALKED TO YOU LONG ENOUGH. I TOLD YOU WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR. I'M SORRY THAT YOU DON'T LIKE THE TRUTH AND CAN'T HANDLE IT. I'M SORRY THAT I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND THAT I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU. I TAKE IT BACK…I TAKE IT ALL BACK. WILL THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY? I'M THAT YOU HAD TO HEAR THE TRUTH. IF YOU WEREN'T READY TO HEAR IT WHY DID YOU ASK ME TO TELL YOU? DOES IT BOTHER YOU THAT I WANTED TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND? OR DOES IT BOTHER YOU TO KNOW THAT I WANTED YOU TO BE MY FIRST? WHICH IS IT MARTIN? I'M DYING TO KNOW." Ruthie shouted.

To be honest, Martin didn't even know the answer to that. He wasn't bothered by either of those things, just shocked was all. "I'm not bothered by any of it Ruthie. I'm flattered that you wanted me to be your first and not some random guy. I did want to hear the truth, I needed to hear it. But you have to understand that sometimes the truth can be shocking and some truths are unexpected. I wish I could have known about how you felt, I truly do. What I said before about you holding onto to false hope was a lie. It's never wrong to have hope. But you're right, I'm not with Meredith and I do have a son. I get why you're mad. I just don't get how you could hold such hate toward Sandy and an innocent baby." Martin spoke.

For some reason, Martin hadn't realized that he was still standing very close to Ruthie. Their faces were inches apart from each others. A strange feeling came over Martin as he looked into her big, brown, and tearful eyes. It was a strange feeling that Martin had never felt before. Little did he know that Ruthie was feeling the same thing he felt.

"I don't hate your son. I never have." Now Martin was confused. "I envy Sandy because is forever connected with you. You don't know how many times I wished that it was me in Sandy's place. I even envied Meredith because she got to be with you. What I would have given to have you look at me like you did her. Or have you hold me like you did with her. God I would have given anything to have been in their shoes. Both of them got to be with you. They got the one thing I wanted since I first met you. They got your affection." With those finale words, Ruthie stepped away from Martin and waited for his response.

_I can't believe I just said that. He probably thinks I'm some weird freak. I never should have told him. I need to get out of here. Hopefully my parents will say yes to me staying with Simon. _Ruthie prayed to herself.

The confession was one that he had not expected to hear. Ruthie Camden, his best friend, had really fallen head over heels for him. There was no word to describe how Martin felt at that very moment. He just stood there, eyes wide in shock, staring at her. The room went silent; so silent that if you listened closely, you could hear their heartbeats. Neither one of them knew what to say to each other. Then yet, what does one say after admitting emotions and feelings such as these. Finally after a few minutes of staring, Martin worked up enough strength and spoke, "You really fell for me didn't you."

"Yea, I did. But you didn't fall back." Ruthie looked away and wiped her eyes. "I think we're done talking. There's nothing more I wish to say to you. I'd like you to leave. " Ruthie cried.

"I'll leave, for now. Is there any chance of you forgiving me? Any chance of us being friends again." Martin asked. Martin bit his bottom lip and stuck his hands in his jean pockets as he waited her reply.

"I don't know Martin. I may never forgive you. To be honest, I don't know if I can be your friend because I still have feelings for you. I can't look at you without feeling hate and hurt. Maybe one day I will forgive you, but that day is not today." Ruthie answered.

"Can't we try? I could call you or write you a letter." Martin suggested. He didn't want to lose her friendship.

"I might be staying with Simon until I get better. Maybe after I do we can talk. Until then, I need you to stay away."

He couldn't believe this was really happening. Tears started to form in Martin's blue-grey eyes as he thought about her request. _This can't be happening…what if we never speak again? I can't stay away forever…It could take years for her to forgive me. _Martin thought.

"You can't ask me to do that. Why can't I come and see you once in a while. Please don't make me stay away. What if it takes years for you to forgive me? I don't wanna wait that long to see my friend." Martin begged.

"You were fine for months without seeing me. Why should now be any different? If you can do it before, you can do it now." Ruthie snapped. _Now he gets to see how I felt for months._

"That was different and you know it. You wanted me around but I wasn't here. Now that I'm here you want me to leave. If this is what you want I'll do it. But please don't take too long."

"Maybe you can write me a letter once a month. I can't promise you I'll write back, but I can promise you that it won't take years for me to get better." Ruthie said.

"Ok. I guess this is goodbye." Martin responded.

"Not forever, just for now. Bye Martin."

"Goodbye Ruthie." And with that, Martin was gone.

**AN:** Hope you guys liked this ch…I know I haven't updated a lot, but I've been busy. I promise that I will update again soon. The more reviews I get, the more I want to update. So if you want another ch…hit my friend the review button. The less reviews I get, the less I want to continue with the story.


	9. Chapter 9

Ruthie watched as the man she loved walked out of her life; and this time, he said goodbye. Its strange how one little word could mean so much to one person. The first time he walked out of her life, it bothered her; but the second time he left didn't faze her at all. Was it because this time he said goodbye, or was it because she knew that one day she would see him again. When he left before, there was no promise of a phone call, an email, or even a letter. But this time Ruthie had Martin's word that he would write to her once a month. Though she was nowhere near forgiving him or wanting to see him, she was indeed glad that this time when he's gone, he won't forget her. The only hope Ruthie had in getting better and getting back to her old self, all lies in the hands of Simon and her parents.

_I wonder if they will let me stay with Simon for a little while. They have to let me go! I can't stand being here anymore. There's no room for me to breath here. Being here is like taking someone who is claustrophobic and sticking them in a closet. I just can't breathe here. All they do is smother me and annoy the hell out of me. At least at Simon's I can breathe and not have to worry about someone always on my back. I know Simon has rules, but at least I could live with his rules. They have to let me stay with him…they just have to. The only way to find out their answer is to get off my ass and go downstairs. Maybe if this idea with Simon doesn't go well, maybe they'll let me stay with Mary. Hahaha…yea right...they'd never do that. Would they? That's a terrible thought…what if they send me to stay with the colonel…eeekk…now that would be torturous…can you say goodbye life and hello military hell. Please __in all that is holy let them say yes to Simon's proposal, _Ruthie thought to herself. She got up off the white wooden chair that sit next to her desk and went downstairs to find out what fate had in store for her. The only thing she could do was pray that her parents would let her stay with Simon.

Just as Eric and Annie were about to give Simon their answer, they heard footsteps coming from the stairs. _Thump __thump__ t__hump…_Both Annie and Eric had the same mental image of a young, happy, and joyful Ruthie come running down the stairs with a smile on her face. But that image soon faded when they saw Ruthie's petite form come around the corner and down the steps.

"Well? Can she stay with me?" Simon asked curiously.

"Yea mom, can I?" Ruthie asked sarcastic tone. She wanted out of that house so bad.

Eric and Annie looked at each other and then back at Simon and Ruthie. With much regret, the two mustered up the strength and answered, "You can stay with Simon. But, you have to maintain good grades, and you have to call at least once a day to let us know how you are."

Simon was shocked that they actually said yes. He knew that it killed them to say yes by the looks in their eyes. They didn't want to let her go, they weren't ready to. The look on Ruthie's face was emotionless, expressionless, like she hadn't even heard them. On the outside she was blank, but in inside Ruthie was screaming and jumping for sheer joy.

_Yes __yes__yes__yes__ yes…They said yes…amen. I get to leave this hell hold_, Ruthie screamed to herself.

There was no need for words or actions because both Eric and Annie knew that Ruthie was grinning ear to ear on the inside. It hurt them to know that she was happy to be getting away from them. Yea all their other children moved out; but none left because they hated it there, they left because they were starting their own lives. Ruthie was leaving because she felt suffocated by them, not because she was going to college or getting married.

"I just need a few minutes to pack my things and then we can go." Ruthie said with eagerness; she couldn't wait to leave. If Ruthie had been a cartoon, she would have been the road runner because as soon as she finished speaking she bolted to her room to gather her things

"I promise that you won't regret this. I need you to trust me that this will work and that it is the right thing to do. She'll be ok with me." Simon reassured.

"We know Simon." Annie replied.

Ruthie got to her room and grabbed her big black suitcase and began throwing her things into it. She grabbed almost every pair of jeans she owned, half her shirts, all her socks, bras and underwear. Also inside the suitcase, Ruthie packed her favorite fleece blanket and her stuffed teddy bear which Martin had gotten her one year as a sick present. It was her favorite stuffed animal and had been the thing that she slept with on the nights where she would cry herself to sleep. Even though it was from Martin, she just couldn't leave it behind because of the sentiment that it held. In her black, blue, and pink duffel bag she threw all of her makeup, hair products, and her diary. The next bag she packed was a backpack with all her school stuff, iPod, and her cell phone charger. All that was left to grab was the money she had under her mattress. Once that was done, Ruthie grabbed her pillow off of her bed and picked up her purse which had her cell phone and other little things inside it. Before leaving the room she had been living in for three years, Ruthie took one look around making sure she didn't forget anything.

"I have my clothes, makeup, hair stuff, school stuff, pillow, purse…What am I forgetting? MY SHOE BOX!" Ruthie said aloud. Ruthie went under her bed and grabbed a shoe box where she kept pictures and other momentums that were very dear to her. Also inside the shoe box were pictures of Martin and letters that she wrote telling him how she felt, but never worked up the courage to send them. She stuffed the box in her duffel bag and threw the bag over her shoulder. After taking one last look at the room which held so many memories, Ruthie turned off the light switch, closed the door, and went downstairs.

"I'm ready to go Simon." Ruthie announced.

"Ok. I'll call you when we get back to my place." Simon informed. The look on his parents face made leaving a whole lot harder. He didn't take any joy in see his parents hurting and aching.

Annie looked at Ruthie with tears in her eyes. She walked over to Ruthie and took her into her arms and said, "I love Ruthie. I want you to know that I'm sorry that it has come to this." Annie pulled away and brushed a strand of hair away from Ruthie's eyes.

Next it was Eric's turn to say goodbye. "I love you Ruthie. I'm sorry that I couldn't help you. You've grown up so fast. I want you to know that no matter what, you will always…" He paused. "I want you to know that you will always be my little girl." He stated.

"I know dad…I know." Ruthie replied. She knew it was going to be hard for her parents to let her go.

Simon took some of Ruthie's bags and threw them over his shoulders. He hugged each of his parents' goodbye and proceeded to leave. As Ruthie went to leave, she turned and gave one last look at her parent's and said, "Goodbye." and closed the back door for the last time.

Eric and Annie watched as watched with heavy hearts as their youngest daughter picked up her bags and left the place she once called home. They knew that letting her go was for the best, but there was just something about watching her go that broke their hearts. Though she would only be gone for a little while, to Eric and Annie, it would feel like forever. It felt as though they were saying goodbye.

"Why do I feel like this was goodbye? Like I'm never going to see her again." Annie asked Eric with sadness in her voice and tears in her eyes.

"This isn't forever Annie. We'll see her again. But I know how you feel." Eric choked. Tears began pouring from his eyes like a water fall. "She's my baby girl. I didn't want to let her go either." Eric cried like a little baby.

"Oh Eric." Annie cooed as she pulled her husband into her arms. They both stood there holding each other, comforting one another as they realized that they weren't ready to let her go yet.

In Eric's mind he wanted so much for Ruthie to come running through the door and into his arms. But that wasn't going to happen. Ruthie wasn't little anymore; she couldn't run into his arms and have everything go back to being fine. Oh how he missed the days when she would come home from school and run into his arms giving him the biggest hug she could. Its days like that that parents miss the most.

In Annie's mind, she thought back to the days when her and Ruthie would play dress up and have tea parties with cookies, crackers, and fresh made biscuits. Whenever they had their little parties Annie would dress Ruthie up in her favorite white, pink, and frilly dress. Sometimes Lucy even joined in on their tea party, but not all the time. The tea parties were something special that just Annie and Ruthie would do together. But as Ruthie got older, the tea parties stopped.

There would be no more tea parties, no more days of dress up, and no more days of Ruthie running into Eric's arms when she had a problem. Those days were over. The days and months that followed were going to be the hardest ones yet. No longer would Ruthie's voice be heard throughout the house.

Out by the driveway Ruthie and Simon were loading her stuff into his car. Just as the last bag had been packed, a familiar face appeared, it was Martin.

"I'll give you two a minute." Simon said and went into the driver's seat of the car.

"Before you say anything, I know you don't wanna see me, but I just wanted to give you this" He hand her an envelope. "You don't have to read it now. I just wanted you to have it before you left. I hope you get better so that one day, hopefully one day soon, you can forgive me. I know you said it will be awhile before you will want to speak to me face to face, but I hope that you'll change your mind and talk to me through the letters. Well I guess I should get going. Bye Ruthie."

Just as Martin was to the edge of the driveway, Ruthie said, "Martin wait." He stopped in his tracks and turned to face her. She walked up to him and stopped about a foot away from him. Martin didn't know if she was going to hit him or what. But what she did shocked him. Going up to him, Ruthie wrapped one arm around his neck and gave him a hug. The hug was a quick one, but just enough time for Martin to quickly put his arm around her and pull her close. When they pulled away, Ruthie looked up at him and said, "Thank you."

Martin just smiled and replied. "Thanks for the hug." With one last look at each other, the two went their separate ways. Ruthie opened the back door of Simon's car and got in.

Simon didn't say a word; instead, he put the car in drive and began backing out of the driveway. The letter Martin gave Ruthie lie in her lap staring up at her. Within minutes Ruthie gave way and opened the envelope. Inside was a letter. When she went to take the letter out, a picture fell out of the envelope. It was a picture of her and Martin on his 17th birthday.

_Dear Ruthie,_

_There aren't any words that I can say to express to you how sorry I am. I'm sorry that I hurt you and that I caused you so much grief. It was never my intention to hurt you. You are and always will be my best friend in the entire world. __If there was any way to go back in time and change you getting hurt, I would do it in a heartbeat. My only hope is that you forgive me for all the wrong that I have done. I know that it will take time for you to heal, but I want you to know that if you should ever need me that I will be there for you. Yes I know I wasn't there for you before, but I want to be there now. If you can find it in your heart to see past the hate, I will be forever grateful. I really do hope you talk to me again. I'm not saying you have to forgive me just yet, but it might help if we talk once in a while. I care about you Ruthie, I really do. I'll miss you…but the thing I'm going to miss most is your smile. I'll write you again next month. Until then, you have my number if anything. Take care of yourself._

_Love always, _

_Martin_

_P.S…If you're wondering about the picture, which you probably are…__that day was the best day of my life. Ever since my mom died my birthday just hadn't felt the same or as happy. But that day you made me feel like my mom was there with me. __I want you to have this picture to remind you of all the good times we had together. And yes I have a picture like this as well. But thank you Ruthie, for everything you did for me that day. I hope one day I can return the favor._

Ruthie finished the letter with an almost smile on her face. _Who knows, maybe one day Martin can return the favor._Ruthie thought to herself. With those last thoughts, Ruthie looked out her window and waved goodbye to Martin, who was standing on the sidewalk watching her go.

Martin stood on the sidewalk and watched as Simon's car got smaller and smaller until he could see it no more. _Maybe there is hope after all, _Martin thought to himself and smiled.

**AN****: Well I hope you all like this chapter. I updated quicker than I thought I would. Anyways, please review…don't just read and not review because if you can take the time to read it then you can take the time to write a little something on what you thought about it. Unless I get a decent amount of reviews for this ****ch**** and last ****ch****…I won't update. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Simons Apartment**

The drive to Simon's took two hrs. Two long silent hrs of Ruthie starring out the window watching the pedestrians on the sidewalk. Seeing them made her wonder what their lives were like. Did they have a family, someone to love, or someone who loved them? Were their lives filled with amazement and joy or full of hurt and sorrow like hers? Another thing she thought about was what life was going to be like living with Simon. She could go there and things could be great or things could end up being like they were at home. At home everyone pestered her and drove her to the brink of insanity. They also didn't help. They tried to help, but none of them could ever understand what she went through or how she was feeling. No matter what they did or what they tried, it just ended with them failing miserably.

_I wonder what it's going to be like living with Simon. I've lived with him before; heck we shared a room for yrs. But this is different. This time it's only me and Simon. The best part is me not having to worry about mom, dad, Lucy, and Kevin bugging me every minute of the day. I just hope Simon doesn't end up treating me like they did at home, _Ruthie thought to herself. Though she had lived with Simon during their adolescent yrs, being that they were older, things were going to be a lot different and would require some getting used to.

_What if this doesn't work out and things get worse? This whole thing could blow up in my face. Then I'll have to hear my parents say, "We told you so." and I really would hate that. Wait…why am I being so negative about this? I want this to work, it has to work. Sure me and Ruthie haven't lived together for a while, but I know we can do this. It's gonna be great having her around. Not only do I get the chance to help her get better, but I get the chance to make up for not being there in the times that she needed me. _Simon thought to himself.

Twenty minutes later they pulled into Fair Haven Apartment complex. Surprisingly, Ruthie was quite excited about seeing Simons apart. She had seen it once before, but this time when she saw it, it wouldn't just be Simon's apartment, but their apartment. Simon opened the trunk of the car and grabbed one of Ruthie's bags. _God her bag is heavy! What does she have in here, bricks? Girls, why can't they pack light like men do, _he groaned to himself as he picked up the bag and flung it over his left shoulder. Ruthie heard Simon's groan and smiled. It was funny. The fact that he thought her bag was heavy was hilarious. He was a guy; he should be used to carrying heavy things. What made the whole situation even funnier was the fact that the bag wasn't even that heavy. Rolling her eyes at him, Ruthie walked over, grabbed the rest of her bags, and said, "I'll grab these since poor little Simon thinks that they're heavy."

"It's not funny Ruthie. This bag is heavy. What do you have in here, cement blocks? And it's not very nice to tease the person who is letting you stay at their apartment." Simon acknowledged. They weren't even in the house and already they were teasing each other. It was just like the old days when they were little kids.

"Ok, first off. They're my clothes, not cement blocks. Two, the bag is not heavy; you're just not that strong. And three, I wasn't teasing you. I was simply stating the fact that you couldn't pick up any other bags because you thought they were heavy." Ruthie just smiled and headed towards the apartment. In that instant, Simon could swear that he saw little devil horns holding up the halo above her head. Shaking the image from his mind, Simon jounced the bag over his shoulder and followed her to the door.

A second later they both reached the front door of Simon's apartment, both eager to get everything settled so they could relax. Ruthie was the more eager of the two. She couldn't wait to get inside and start making the apartment feel more like their apartment. Simon of course knew just how eager she was from the look in her eyes. _I think I'm going to make her bust; a little payback for teasing me. This is going to be so good, _Simon smirked to himself. He was going to make her bust for making fun of him, and what better way than this. He began searching for the keys, which were in his jacket pocket. Acting like he couldn't find them, he put the bag down on the ground and resumed searching his pockets slowly. This continued for five minutes. By now Ruthie was growing more antsy and annoyed. She began rocking back and forth on the cement sidewalk and started fiddling with her fingers. The sight was actually quite amusing. It took Simon all that he had not to burst out laughing at how fidgety she was. There she was at the age of 18 acting like a four yr old when they are in a store and want so desperately to leave. For Simon, this was completely and utterly amusing. _Revenge is sweet_,thought Simon.

"Do you need help finding your keys?" Ruthie asked in annoyance. _Great, not only is he weak, but apparently he's forgetful to. He needs to hurry up. _Ruthie was beyond annoyed at this point. "Hey I got an idea. Why don't we call the police and ask them to come search you? I bet if they pat you down that they'll be able to find your keys" Ruthie said sarcastically.

"That's not in the slightest bit funny Ruthie." Simon said. The thought of having a cop come and pat him down was kind of scary. Simon didn't like cops, except Kevin of course. Seeing that she was getting really mad and agitated, made Simon stop his little act of revenge. He didn't need her getting mad at him and he certainly didn't need a cop to come and search him. The whole point of her staying with him was to help her. If he kept on pissing her off he would be defeating the purpose of having her stay with him. "Found them. I didn't feel them in my jacket, sorry." Ruthie just rolled her eyes as she watched Simon pull the keys from his jacket pocket and place the key into the keyhole. _Finally!! _Ruthie thought.

_Click click_…The sound of the door unlocking was music to Ruthie's ears. It was like listening to one of Beethoven's symphonies for the first time…amazing and beautiful. As soon as he pulled the key from the lock, Simon saw a wave of brown curly locks push past him and into the home. He just smiled, picked up the bag, went inside, and closed the door behind them. The fun part of all this was just about to begin.

"So, where do I put my stuff?" Ruthie asked as she looked around the apartment. It was a nice size apartment with one bedroom, one bath, a kitchen, a living room, and a small little area where there was a table and chairs. In the little area there was a square oak table with white legs and oak chairs with blue cushions on them. The living room consists of a long green couch that opened up into a queen sized bed, a small dark oak end table, an entertainment center, and a tall black lamp. The kitchen was quite small. Its cabinets were a dark oak color with silver handles, and the counter top was black marble that was as smooth as a baby's bottom. In the beginning it was just Simon in the apartment, so it didn't matter that the kitchen wasn't big. That and Simon didn't really cook, well couldn't cook…not really. Even with Ruthie there it still wouldn't be a problem because the only thing Simon used was the microwave and the oven. And he knew never to be in the kitchen when the women in his family were in there, except for his mom of course.

"Your clothes that need to be hung up and your shoes can go in the closet since I don't use it. As for the other stuff, I was thinking that I could put my one night table in the closet since I don't use the second one. You could put all your other stuff there." Simon explained. It was either that, or she'd have to live out of her suitcase.

For Ruthie, anything was better than having to live out of a suitcase. "That sounds good to me. When do you want to move the night table into the closet?" Ruthie asked. _Please let him say now. I really don't want to do it later, _Ruthie prayed. Doing it now would get it out of the way and would allow her to put all her things away and organize everything nicely. If they did it later she would end up doing everything late at night and wouldn't have time to relax and take everything in. That and she wanted to maybe write a letter Martin or write in her journal.

"We can do it now. And then afterwards we could order a pizza." Simon suggested. _I haven't had pizza in a while. I also haven't had Chinese in a while. Maybe we could get Chinese tomorrow night. Hmm, BBQ spareribs and pork low mein sounds so good right now too. Dammit I'm making myself even hungrier. Ok Simon just shut up and stop talking about food,_ Simon thought to himself.

"I'm liking that idea. If we order pizza, could we get bacon and pepperoni on it?" Ruthie requested. _Hmmm, yummy bacon and pepperoni pizza with a glass of milk sounds absolutely delectable right now. And then afterwards, hot fudge brownie sundaes...ohhh mmm...ok Ruthie stop acting like you're having an orgy, _Ruthie mentally slapped herself.

_Bacon and pepperoni…on pizza? Eww! Ok, not eww. It doesn't sound that bad. Besides, I can't say I don't like it if I've never tried it. But that definitely is the oddest combination I've ever heard. God why is everyone in my family weird. Lucy likes pineapple and anchovies, Mary likes mushrooms, anchovies, and pepperoni; and Matt likes French fries and sausage on his. And then there's good old mom and dad who eat the normal pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, sausage, or just plain. _"I've never ordered pizza with bacon and pepperoni on it before. Like the saying goes, there's a first time for everything." Simon answered with a smile. _It's a good thing I have a bottle of pepto bismal in the bathroom in case the combo gives me a stomach ache. That's the last thing I need. Then Ruthie will never want to go in the bathroom again. Speaking of bathroom, I need to take out the thing of matches I have under the tissue box. _

_NEVER HAD BACON AND PEPPERONI ON PIZZA!! OH MY GOD WHAT A DEPRIVED PERSON, _Ruthie shouted in her mind. She could not believe that her brother, the kid who ate almost anything and everything, had not had bacon and pepperoni pizza. Sometimes she wondered if her family was at all normal. Then yet, whose family is ever normal.

"I can't believe you never had it. You eat like everything and anything. Speaking of eating, do you have food in the house?" Ruthie asked. She proceeded to the kitchen to check out the refrigerator and the cabinets. If she was going to stay there with him there would have to be real food and not junk food. And just as she suspected, there was nothing. When she opened the refrigerator she found a thing of orange juice, pickles, cheese, water, soda, grapes, and left over Chinese food. _Eww! No wonder he always orders out! There's like nothing here. This also explains why he eats over a lot at home. I hope the cabinets aren't as bad as this, _Ruthie thought to herself. Her next discovery nearly shocked her. When she opened the cabinets she found numerous cans of soup, Chef Boyardee, Ramen noodles, and cereal. In that instant Ruthie felt her stomach turn in disgust. The sight before her was like looking at a pile of puke, disgusting and nauseating. How could anyone live off of that? Those were not the right kinds of foods for him to be eating. They weren't at all healthy; they were very high in sodium, and practically screamed fattening. _If my brother is supposedly living off of this fattening crap, why hasn't he gained an obscene amount of weight? Hmmm, that's a mystery I must find the answer to._

Looking at the cabinets one last time with disgust, Ruthie turned around to see a very embarrassed Simon smiling with his hand on the back of his neck. "Simon, you have no food in this house! Not one healthy thing!" Yelled Ruthie as she made her way over to her brother.

"Haha…yeah sorry about that. You see, I haven't had a chance to go shopping yet and I didn't know you would be living here, so yea. We can go tomorrow if you want." Simon offered. _I can't believe she's yelling at me…ME of all people. I'm being reprimanded by my 18 yr old sister, how lovely. _

"Fine. But I wanna go first thing tomorrow morning. Right now all I wanna do is move the table and order pizza."

"Ok. Let's get cracking then. The sooner we move it the sooner you can organize your stuff and we can get food." Simon replied. At that moment all he wanted to do was eat and nap. Oh how he missed naps. There's nothing like coming home, snuggling up in bed, and taking a long snooze.

**30 minutes later**

"OWWWW!!SIMON! THAT'S MY FOOT!" Ruthie shrieked in pain as Simon accidentally dropped the table on her foot. The pain was excruciating and surged throughout her body. It was like she was being hit by lighting, all the hairs on the back of her neck stood at attention.

"Ruthie I'm so sorry." Simon apologized. He hadn't meant to drop it on her, it's just, his fingers gave way and it just fell before he had time to react.

"Whatever! Let's just get this thing in the closet so I can start putting my crap away." Ruthie snapped. "And you better hope my foot isn't broken or the next time it's you I'm going to almost run over the car with."

Simon's expression went from happy to horrified faster than a Mustang can go from 0 to 60. Scenes of night started playing in front of his eyes like a movie projector. Only it was one memory he never wanted to remember, ever. He took a deep breath, counted to ten, and said, "You are never ever getting behind the wheel of my car ever, or any car for that matter. At least not while I'm around."

Her reply was a roll of the eyes and a sigh. It took them 10 more minutes before they finally got the night table into the closet. During those 10 minutes neither one of them spoke. Ruthie not wanting to make a comment that would bother Simon. And Simon not wanting to say anything that would piss her off; which at that time would have been a not so smart thing to do. Once it was done, Simon called the pizza place and ordered the food. "It'll be here in 30 minutes. So while we wait I'm going to go take a shower." Simon said.

With a nod of her head, Ruthie went to organizing all her things. By the time Simon got out of the shower the pizza had arrived and Ruthie had just finished putting all her things away. Well, almost everything. The only thing she had left was a few shirts, her journal, and her memory box. The rest of the shirts she would put away after she ate, but her memory box and journal she would wait until later to do that. She would wait until Simon was asleep so he didn't see where she put her journal and the box she didn't want him knowing about. No one in her family knew that she kept a box of pictures of her and Martin or that she kept little things that reminded her of him.

"Great the pizza's here. All that moving made me work up a big appetite" He wondered over to the kitchen and grabbed to plates. "What do you want to drink?" Simon asked as he also grabbed to cups.

"Milk." Ruthie answered. It was a strange thing to be drinking with pizza, but that's what she liked.

"Milk? You want that?" Simon asked for confirmation. He wasn't sure he had heard her correctly. _Who drinks milk with pizza?_ Simon wondered.

"Yes, milk. Do you have a problem with that?" Ruthie replied with a hint of sarcasm and attitude.

Not wanting to add more fuel to the fire, Simon decided not to respond to her question. Instead, he just grabbed the milk and soda and brought it over to the table. "Let's dig in." Simon picked up a slice of pizza and popped it into his mouth. At first he thought it was gonna taste bad, but to Simon's surprise, he liked it. "Mmm…not bad. Not bad at all. You know this is pretty good."

"Yea I know. That's why I said to order it. I wouldn't have told you to get it if I didn't think you wouldn't like it." _That's not true. I wanted it either. Regardless if he would of liked it or not._ Ruthie said to herself.

_Obviously she's in a bad or just didn't want to be bothered. I think I should leave her alone and go hang out in my room. Maybe some time alone to relax and take everything in will put her in a happier mood. Or at least make her not so damn sarcastic. _Thought Simon. "I'm gonna go eat in my room and watch the football game. Feel free to watch whatever you want." With that Simon got up from the chair and made his way toward his safe haven, his bedroom; which is the same place that Ruthie also called her safe haven.

In many ways, Ruthie was a lot like Simon. They were both stubborn, sneaky, argued their points very well, and both fought hard for the things that they wanted. The biggest thing they had in common was that they both often kept their feelings to themselves. Neither one of them were big on sharing their emotions with family members because half of the family couldn't keep secrets if their lives depended on it. But in many ways, Ruthie was very different from Simon. When Ruthie was angry she would hold her anger in and take it out on others, where as Simon would confront his anger head on. Simon didn't push people away or put up walls around himself so that no one could help him. He wouldn't have let his feelings stay bottled up inside until he had a break down and nearly ran someone over. Unlike Ruthie, Simon knew when to get help.

_Finally!!! He's gone. Now I can have some peace and quiet. Now that only thing is what shall I do? Should I write in my journal? Or maybe write a letter to Martin. I don't think I can write him one just yet, not now anyway. I mean I'm not even close to forgiving him or being ready to talk to him. If I send him a letter he might think it's ok to send me more. And I'm not ready for him to bare all his thoughts and feelings. I said one letter every month. He could send them, but it doesn't mean I'm gonna read them. Ok I might read them. I just won't reply. I could write him a letter and tell him not to write me. Then yet, I could write him an angry/sad/annoyed/ thank you letter. The thank you part being for the letter he gave me. Ughh!! What to do? For now I think I'll write in my journal. Writing in my journal helps relieve some of the anger. It's the only place I can say my feelings the way I want to and not have to worry about anyone replying back. _With those thoughts, Ruthie grabbed her journal from behind the couch cushion, opened it up to a blank page, and began to write.

**Dear journal,**

**It's been a very long time since I last wrote in you, and a lot has happened since then. You'll never believe this. My dad had the damn audacity to call Martin and have him come and see me. HE KNEW I WAS FUCKING ANGERY MARTIN AND YET HE CALLED HIM! Excuse my French, but I'm still a little annoyed with my parents. Anyways…So I come home from school the yesterday and was about to go in my room when I hear Martins voice. For a second I thought I was dreaming or went temporarily insane and was hearing things. But when I turned around and saw him standing there I nearly died. Every single emotion I tried so desperately to hide came rushing back to me like waves crashing down onto the beach. So many mixed emotions were running through me. Part of me wanted to run up to him and hug; and the other part of my wanted to beat the shit out of him. Needless to say I didn't do either of those. Instead, I just went berserk and yelled and ran up to my room. They all thought they were helping me. How was bringing the man who broke my heart to the house supposed to help me? So what If I kept to myself and put up a wall. It's not their bloody problem. I get to my room and Martin comes up and tries talking to me. Yea didn't last long because I climbed out the window and down the drain pipe and ran to the park. Ok to make a seemingly long story short, I took Simons car and almost ran over Martin. Hahaha…sorry but now that I think it is kinda funny. After that I was taken home where I practically bit Martin's head. I yelled and said some pretty harsh things to him. But he deserved them. He didn't keep in contact with me and he didn't notice that I felt something for him. W/e I don't feel like going through all of this again. The main thing is that I'm finally out of that hell hold and staying with Simon until I get better. I promised that I would take down the wall I put up and get back to my old self. Part of the promise is that I try and forgive Martin or at least be able to really talk to him. But that isn't going to happen for a while. But to try and get to that point, I'm allowing Martin to send me a letter once a month. There's no promise that I'll write back or read them, but he asked me not to shut him out of my life. What irony. Before he never made it a point to contact me or be in my life, why now. Is it because all this bullshit happened and he feels guilty? Or does he miss me. My parents were sad to see me go but I could care less. Don't get me wrong I love my parents. Hell they gave me life after all…well sometimes I wish they hadn't. But right now I can't stand them. NO MATTER WHAT I DID THEY WERE ALWAYS DOWN MY THROAT. THEY DIDN'T LET ME BE. ALWAYS RUTHIE PLEASE LET US HELP YOU OR RUTHIE WANNA GO SHOPPING OR RUTHIE WE LOVE YOU TALK TO US…WHY COULDN'T THEY UNDERSTAND THAT NOTHING THEY FUCKING DID WOULD HELP. NOTHING IS GOING TO MAKE THE HURT GO AWAY. I DIDN'T WANT SMILE, LAUGH, OR BE MERRY. I HAD MY HEART RIPPED FROM MY CHEST AND SMASHED INTO A MILLION PIECES. I STAYED AWAY AND KEPT TO MYSELF BECAUSE I WANTED TO. I DIDN'T WANT TO BE TOUCHED OR LOVED. ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE ALONE AND KEEP ON GOING THE WAY I WAS…BUT NOOOO…THEY HAD TO FUCKING CALL HIM…AND NOW I'M STAYING AT SIMONS WITH THE PROMISE I'M GONNA TRY AND GO BACK TO MY OLD SELF…There's no guarantee that I will be 100% back to my old self. Too much has happened and I've changed. I'm gonna try not to push people away…and I definitely won't keep all that emotion bottled inside for too long. But this is going to be at my own pace and time. Right now I'm going to take it one day at a time. Well I'm done rambling for right now. To be honest, I feel a little bit better. I think I might write a letter to Martin, but not one of those heartfelt mushy crap letters. Until next time…C ya….**

Once the journal was shut and was locked, Ruthie placed it behind the couch cushion and began to write a very long letter to Martin.

**Dear Martin…….**

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**AN: Hey everyone that was ch 10. I hope you all liked and thought it was worth the wait. I decided to make it nice and long since it's been a while since I updated. But I haven't been getting many reviews. If you like the story and want me to continue please review and I'll give you a cookie and will update again soon. Thanks a bunch for those who read and review. **


	11. IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE

AN: Hey everyone, I know it's been a while since I updated, I've just been really busy lately. But what I need to know is if anyone still is interested in the story. I haven't been getting many reviews and its let me to wonder if I should even bother to continue with the story. So I'm posting this AN to let people know that if they want me to continue to please review to this and let me know. If no reviews then I'm probably going to give up on the story. Or if I do get reviews, then I will see. This isn't a threat, just a question. Ultimately the choice is up to me whether I want to continue. I just want to know if have still have readers and if people want to see this continued. I already have some of ch 11 written out plus some other stuff written. I'd really love to hear what you guys have to say. Thanks again for those who are still with me and those who review.


	12. Chapter 12

**The next day**

That morning Ruthie awoke in Simon's apartment. She sat up in bed and looked around the room and smiled. _It wasn't a dream? It really happened? Martin really is back and I'm living at Simons. No parents? YES YES YES!! Man I'm so relieved. God I would have hated waking up and being back home. I wonder if Simon is up. Hope he knows that we're going grocery shopping today._ With a stretch of her arms and a crack of her back, Ruthie flung the covers off of her petite body and got up. The first thing she did was grab her toothbrush and comb and headed to the bathroom. After brushing her teeth, washing her face, and combing her hair; Ruthie grabbed the letter she wrote to Martin and took it out to the mailbox. The mailman by Simon picked up the mail early and delivered it to where it had to go, which meant that Martin would have it later that day. Once that was all done, Ruthie went back into the apartment and got dressed. _Hmmm, what should I wear? Jeans, shorts, a skirt…so many choices. _Ruthie scanned over the clothes hanging up in the closet. She brought a lot of clothes with her, but she had a lot more at home. But being as she didn't know where her stuff would be placed, she only packed a good size amount. _Maybe I can go back to the house and get some more of my clothes. But I'd have to go when no one is home. Maybe I'll have Simon take me later this week. Speaking of Simon, when is he getting up? It's like 9:30! Guess I better go and wake him. I mean, what kind of little sister would I be if I didn't do my sisterly duties? Now how to wake? Scream in his ear, throw cold water on him, or just shake him? Ehh, I'll decide on that when I get in his room. _

_Creak…squeak…_

_Damn Simon's got a squeaky door. Note to self; get Simon some WD40 for his door. _Ruthie thought to herself as she opened the door and entered the room. Quietly she made her way over to the side of Simon's bed where she saw that Simon's covers were over his face. _How does he sleep like that? _Shaking her head and rolling her eyes, Ruthie pulled the blue and green striped blanket down from Simon's face. The sight before her of her sleeping brother was funny. His face was smashed into the pillow with his mouth open wide with drool seeping down his chin. Not only was the funny, but it was a little grimy. Never before had she ever seen him sleep like this. Gently, Ruthie crept onto the bed, leaned over to Simon's ear and shouted, "WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD!"

What happened next was by far the most amusing thing she had ever seen. As soon as she screamed in his ear, Simon's eyes shot open and he practically jumped 50 ft into the air and landed on the floor. This of course had Ruthie rolling on the floor, cracking up hysterically. She was laughing so hard tears were coming out of her eyes. The way he reacted reminded her of a cat. If Simon had been a cat he would have been on the ceiling of the room with his nails glued to it and all the hairs on his body sticking up. Simon on the other hand, didn't find this funny at all. The fact that she woke him up didn't bother him, but it's the way she did it. She practically gave him a heart attack. His heart was beating a million miles a minute.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU…." Simon stopped when he realized that for the first time in a long time, Ruthie was laughing. Not only laughing, but cracking up like a hyena. This was the first time in months that she had ever laughed. Suddenly all his anger seemed to fade away like footprints in the sand when the waves come in. How could he be mad when his sister was laughing for the first time in ages? No one in the family had been able to get her to laugh or smile. But he, Simon Camden, the one who wasn't really around much, was able to do the impossible. And he didn't even have to do anything except sleep. _She's laughing! Oh my God, Ruthie is actually laughing. I wish mom and dad were here to hear this. I'll have to call them later and tell them. But right now, it's time for payback._ With a smile, Simon grabbed his pillow and whacked her with it. "Ha! This is what you get for giving me a heart attack." Simon stated as he hit her three more times with his white soft pillow.

"Hey…haha…cut it out…haha…that's what you get when you sleep…hhaha…in" Ruthie managed to choke out in between her giggles. It was just too funny for her to stop laughing. If only she had had a camera. Then she could have submitted it to America's Funniest Home Video's. That video would be a sure winner. Just the way he leaped out of bed and how his eyes bugged out was enough to send anyone into a fit of giggles. About five minutes later her laughing subsided and she was finally able to speak. "Simon that was by far the funniest thing I've ever seen. That was funnier than the time you slipped and got grass stains all over the back of your jeans."

Oh how Simon hated that day. He sighed and shook at the memory. It was one memory he liked to forget about. "I remember…" _Why did she have to bring it up? She already scared the shit out of me, now she wants to embarrass me to. If this is karma coming back to bite me in butt, I'd like to know what the heck it is that I did! _Simon groaned to himself. "Let's just forget that day…" _I sure as hell do. _Taking a glance at the clock, Simon noticed that it was only 8:00. _Why in God's name in all that is holy is she up this early in the morning? Better yet, why hell did she wake me up so early? _"Ruthie, why are you up so early, and why did you wake me up?"

"You know the saying; the early bird gets the worm. I'm one of those people that like to get up early sometimes, and today is one of those days. Besides, we have to go food shopping because you have diddly squat in your cabinets. I don't know about you, but I can't live off of take out. It's not good to eat it all the time. I'm already washed and dressed, so all that's left is for you to get ready." Ruthie stated. She felt like she was the older sibling, telling her brother how to be healthy and all. It was quite funny how the roles seemed to switch.

Simon rolled his eyes and sighed. "Alright fine, I'll get ready. Are you happy now?" Simon said sarcastically." _You evil little rodent! Hahaha evil rodent, good one Simon. _A smile spread across his face at the thought. He would never say it out loud because he didn't want to piss her off. When Ruthie was pissed, it was as if the devil had possessed her. She was a ball of fury, he should know. There were many a time where he had pissed her off really bad and felt her wrath. That and she nearly ran Martin over with the car, so pissing her off definitely wouldn't be the smartest thing to do. "You kinda need to leave my room so I can change."

"Sorry…and please don't take forever. And don't go back to sleep because the next time I have to come in here and wake you up, I'm using a fog horn." Ruthie gave him an evil smile and walked out of the room. _I love torturing him…hahahaha...Note to self: buy fog horn…_

_Gulp…I'M LIVING WITH THE SPAWN OF SATAN!!!!!!Evil that child is, purely evil. A fog horn? She doesn't have one of those. Or does she? I don't want to find out. Great, I invite her to live with me and she threatens to make me deaf. How lovely. Better get ready before she comes back in here and threatens to strangler me. _Shivers went up his spine at the thought of the torture she would inflict on him if he lingered in bed. Lazily, Simon made his way over to his closet and pulled out a pair of blue jeans, a fitted T, and his white sneakers.

"Come on Simon what's taking you so long! A snail moves faster!" Ruthie shouted from the living room. Was she seriously yelling at him? Wasn't it bad enough that she woke him up in the most horrible way possible and managed to embarrass. "I'm coming jeez! Give me a second. I'm not you, I can't dress in two seconds" He rolled his eyes as he pulled on his jeans. "Are you seriously that anxious to go grocery shopping?" Simon managed to ask as he pulled his shirt on.

"YES!! The sooner we go, the sooner we can come back and put it all away. Plus, I think your cabinets will be much happier once they have edible food stored in them. Rather than that crap you have. Besides, I wanna drive." Ruthie added. The chance of him letting her drive was the day that pigs flew. There was no way anyone would let her get behind the wheel after what happened. But hey, a girl can wish.

In mere seconds a loud booming laughter came the Simon's doorway. "HAHAHA…FUNNY…YOU DRIVE!!!" Simon practically pulled a Ruthie and was doubling over in laughter with one hand on his knee and the other wrapped around his stomach. "There is no way on earth I'm letting you drive. I wouldn't let you get behind the wheel if my life depended on it. Are you really asking me this?"

"I'm a good driver!! Why can't I drive? It's not like I'm gonna sneak off somewhere." Ruthie exclaimed. She was a little peeved by this. Did he really not trust her? Yeah she almost ran over Martin, but he wasn't here now. It's not like she was gonna go all road rage and start running over pedestrians. She wasn't that evil.

"One, it's my car. I don't like people driving it much. Two, you're my little sister who just got her license, of course I don't want you to drive. It would be a little uncomfortable. And third of all, after that stunt that happened, hell no. You really think I wanna put you behind the wheel after that?" The way he was looking at her was like she was some crazy person that had just escaped the nut house. "I'm not risking you having flashbacks while driving. Hell, I don't think anyone is gonna want to get in a car with you, at least not for a while. I just can't believe you asked me to drive. Did you honestly think I'd say yes?" Simon stated. In all honestly, he felt bad for being a little harsh.

To say that Ruthie was angry would be false. The look on her face was that of sheer rage. Her face contorted to this ferocious expression that could scare just about anyone. With every word that was said, her face grew redder and redder; and her eyes, oh her eyes. They seemed to be attacking him with every stare. Each one emitting murderous and harsh glares at him. The way she showed her teeth was like that of a wolf getting ready to pounce. The only thing missing was the growl. Then there was her pose. Back straight up with her knuckles to her sides squeezing so hard that they were turning white. Simon watched in anticipation, awaiting her attack; knowing full well that it would be brutal. He could feel the fury pulsing from her body, and hate from her stare. That he could handle, but it's the pain of her words he feared; and the physical pain that she could inflict on him. Though she was smaller than him, Ruthie had one hell of a hit. The old saying bark is worse than bite is wrong. In this case, Ruthie's bite was way worse than her bark, though her bark could be pretty horrible at times.

And then, it happened…

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**Hahaha…you guys thought I was gonna leave it off there. Naw, I'm not that evil! Seriously, I couldn't resist.**

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The tiger was released from its cage and hell broke loose. A red faced Ruthie roared, "HOW DARE YOU!! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME!!! The nerve! I happen to be a damn good driver! I'm a much better driver than Mary was at my age. I can parallel park, I didn't have to fake cry to pass my driver's test! Hell, I did better than Lucy did! She couldn't EVEN K TURN!!! And yes, if your life did depend on me driving then I'd have to drive. Unless you'd rather die and then I'd be blamed for not driving you somewhere. You don't think mom and dad felt the exact same way when everyone else drove? Hell no they didn't want their cars being driven by the others, but since they didn't have cars, they had no choice. Do you think mom liked letting Mary drive? No! But she let her and got used to it after giving her a chance. You won't ever be comfortable with me driving unless you get in the car with me. We can just go to an empty parking lot sometime and you can get used to it. Once in a while won't kill you. How do you expect to get comfortable with things if you don't give them a try? Hmmm mister smarty pants?" Ruthie asked. She was so angry at him, but part of her understood because of the Martin thing. That much didn't bother her, but the way he said it really hurt. But what mostly got her was him saying she couldn't drive. That did not fly well with her at all. She hated being told that she couldn't do something.

The whole time Ruthie was giving her speech all Simon could fathom was that he wasn't in any physical pain. He was expecting this huge blowout about how he didn't trust her or that he brought up the accident like it was gonna happen again. What he was expecting was her ranting and raving, hell maybe throwing some punches or leaving, but he never in his wildest dreams was he so shocked. The look on his face portrayed a baffled, shocked, yet, dumbfounded expression. His mouth was wide open while his eyes practically bugged out of his sockets. Did that really just happen? Was he dreaming? Or maybe he was unconscious after a massive blow? Simon couldn't get over her reaction. The way she looked mere moments ago looked like she was ready to brutally murder him. For some reason it just wasn't registering in his mind that nothing bad happened. Did he want it to? _I'm alive? I…she…but…how? I just rubbed the accident in her face and accused her that every time she got behind the wheel she might pull another road rage. That no one would ever trust her again behind the wheel and that she was crazy for asking me. How could she not go berserk on me? Maybe's she's just waiting for later to blow up? This is not what I expected her to do. Wait, why am I complaining? I should be happy she isn't biting my head off. She is a tricky, evil little thing. I'll have to keep my eyes on her. Hopefully she won't murder me in my sleep. _Thought Simon as he swallowed hard and opened his mouth to speak.

…_huff…cough…huff… cough…_For some reason when he opened his mouth no words came out. The cat literately had his tongue. He was rendered speechless by her display. While waiting for a response, Ruthie had decided to cop a squat on the kitchen counter. She idly strummed her fingers along the marble counter and sighed. "Did you forget how to put a sentence together or have you decided to become a mute?" She asked.

"No, It's just I…I thought for sure you would have bitten my head off. You looked like you were about to murder me. I'm just stunned. But I am sorry for being a little harsh on you. Maybe one day, not any day soon, but one day I might let you drive. Big word being _might_." Simon finally replied.

On the outside, Ruthie kept herself composed and serious. But on the inside she was cracking up. Simon was actually scared of her. If he had been anymore scared he might have pissed his pants. Now that would have been a sight to see. Simon peeing his pants like a little baby would be the highlight of her stay. That and Simon jumping 30 feet in the air, now that was priceless. "Ok fine. Are you ready to go?" Ruthie asked.

"Just let me brush my teeth and wash my face." Simon groaned. He didn't know how he was going to live with her. _I won't commit murder, I won't commit murder…_Simon repeated to himself.

About ten minutes later Simon was ready to go. "It's about time."

_I'm not going to kill her. I must not harm the midget. Whatever I do, I mustn't strangle her. Ok maybe not kill her, but perhaps I could dump water on her while she is sleeping. No Simon retaliating is not the answer. Though a little prank never hurt anyone. But that would be stooping to her level._ Simon argued back and forth with the little voice inside his head. With a roll of his eyes he answered, "Yes, we can go now."

Ruthie leaped off the counter, grabbed her purse, and headed for the door. "Well come on slow poke what are we waiting for!! Let's go!!" She said with much excitement.

_If she gets this excited about going to the grocery store, I'd hate to see how excited she gets about going to other places._ Shaking his head, Simon grabbed his keys and followed her out the door. Ruthie was half way to the car when she yelled back to Simon. "Try not to lose your keys this time."

_That's it! She is going down! She better watch her back. She has no idea I can be just as evil. This is going to be great! Boy is she in for a real treat. Hehehe…Revenge is sweet…mwahahaha…_Simon just smiled to himself and began plotting his revenge.


	13. Chapter 13

**Later that day**

It was about 4:30 when Martin had arrived home from Sandy's house. He had gone to her apartment to spend some time with his son and to tell Sandy about what had happened. By the time he had finished telling her the story, Sandy was completely thunderstruck. She couldn't believe how Ruthie had reacted. It definitely knocked her for a loop when he told her about nearly being run over.

_Flashback_

"_She yelled Sandy, yelled louder than I ever heard her do. The anger in her eyes, the way she looked at me; God I don't think I'll ever get that image out of my mind" he paused to take a sip of soda because his throat was dry. "I felt so sorry for her. I had no idea she was going through anything until her dad called me. And then, when she admitted her feelings for me, that just about pushed the knife deeper into my heart." Martin cried. _

"_Oh Martin, I'm sorry. I didn't…" Sandy was cut off by Martins words. _

"_It's not your fault. But there's more…" he sighed before looking up at her and continuing. "She blames you for a lot. She hates you for sleeping with me. Can you believe she was actually jealous of you? She told me part of her prayed that I would notice her, even when I was with Meredith. All the girls I've dated she envy's because they got to be with me. She even wished she was the one pregnant, but not so much. Then she started saying some not so nice things about you, but I told her it was wrong." Martin paused again. Just as he was about to go on, Sandy butted in._

"_I can understand her hating me. But to wish being pregnant is something I wouldn't want for her at her age. It's ok for her to rant about me, she's allowed to." Said Sandy in a sincere voice. She couldn't blame Ruthie for hating her or having words toward her. _

_Martin looked up at Sandy surprised by what she said. "Besides all that, she hated me for not saying goodbye. I hadn't meant to, I really hadn't. Then things took a turn for the worst. Ruthie climbed out her window and ran to the park. Me, Kevin, and Simon went looking for her. I found her and tried to talk to her. But that didn't work in my favor. Simon came and she ran to his car. The next thing I know, Simon is coming over to us and Kevin was like where's Ruthie. That's when we saw her get into the driver's seat…"Martin had to stop for a second as the memory came flooding back. "I ran to the front of it while the others went to the sides. I begged her…" Martin stopped again, only this time, he was crying. "She quickly backed up which caused all of us to move out of the way. Just as she was about to drive away I dived for the front…Sandy she nearly hit me." Martin finished. _

_Sandy, who was sitting there listening to the entire thing, was completely shell shocked. She just sat there with her jaw to the floor and her eyes wide open. For some reason it wasn't registering in her brain what he was saying. There was no way she was capable of that, not Ruthie Camden. She saw Martin begin shaking and sobbing even harder; and it killed her. She may not have loved him like that, but she did care about him. Taking him into her arms, she rubbed his back trying to soothe him. There was more to the story that he needed to tell. _

_A little while later, when he had finally calmed down, Martin proceed. "When Ruthie realized what had happened, that she had almost ran me over, her face grew pale. She got out of the car and threw up. Oh God Sandy the sight of her killed me. It broke my heart. Tears were streaming down her face…she looked so helpless. We got her home and we talked. She doesn't want to see me, talk to me, nothing. She said that maybe when she gets better we can talk, but until then, the only thing I can do is send her letters. Which she may or may not read; hell if she did she won't reply. I know it's going to take time, but I want my best friend back. I just found out what I had done and now I can't do anything to make up for it except stay away. How can I do this?" Martin asked. He needed some advice, some comfort, but most importantly, he needed a friend. _

"_All you can do is respect her wishes. You did nothing wrong Martin. You had started college early and moved so you could closer to your son. That isn't wrong Martin. I understand part of her anger though. Not hearing from you or getting a goodbye is pretty shitty, especially when that person is your best friend. Yes, you should have kept contact with her, but you had other things on your mind. If letters are the only thing you can do, then do it." She advised before speaking again. "What I can't believe is that she almost hit you. I mean its Ruthie for crying out loud. Never in a million years could I picture her doing that. Hell, her doing what she's been doing for months is not something I would ever have thought her to do. Not for a guy. But who am I to judge. I'm just glad that everyone is ok and that you confided in me. I'll always be here for you Martin, no matter what; whenever you need a friend."_

_That brought a smile to his face, but not for long. "Thanks Sandy. I should probably get going, it's kinda late." _

"_Ok Martin. Have a safe drive home. Also, Aaron is having pictures taken with Savannah next Thursday if you want to come. Me and Lucy thought it would be cute." Sandy informed. _

_He simply smiled, kissed Aaron's sleeping form, and left…_

_End of flashback_

Stepping out of his, Martin walked over to the mailbox to see if anything was there. _Yippee, bills and junk mail, how lovely,_ thought Martin as he grabbed the pile of envelopes and went inside. Once inside he threw his jacket on the couch and headed to the kitchen while going through the mail. _Water bill…not mine, credit card…nope don't need one, letter from the aunt…interesting._

Chuckling to himself he flipped it over and opened it.

Dear Beau & Martin,

**How's my big brother and favorite nephew doing? I hear that business is doing good Beau, I'm glad! See, it runs in the family! Martin I'm still waiting for you to send me some pictures of Aaron, I can't wait to show him off to everyone. The reason I'm writing is that I want you two to come out to NY for my newest fashion show. It would mean a lot to me if came. It's in two weeks. I've already got you plane tickets, so all you need to do is flight out here. Give me a call and let me know what you're doing. Hope you guys come!**

**All my love,**

** Betsy**

_Oh great, another fashion show…Guess dad and me have no choice but to go since we missed her last two. Oh boy what fun…_Martin groaned to himself. He placed the letter with the tickets on the counter, but before he could continue checking out the rest of the mail, the front door opened to reveal his dad.

"Oh hey Martin, anything good come in the mail?" His dad asked as he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge.

"Junk, bills, more junk, and a letter from Aunt Betsy." Martin said the last part enthusiastically.

Beau raised his eyebrow and asked, "Really? What did she say?"

"She's having another show in two weeks and wants us to come. She even sent the plane tickets." He groaned. Martin was not one for fashion shows, neither was his dad.

"Another one? Tickets?" Beau repeated. "Does this mean we have to go? She's my sister and all and I love her, but come on."

"We didn't go the last two times, so her sending the tickets is a way of saying you better come, I just spent money on tickets. Looks like we have to go." Martin stated much to his disappointment. Both he and his dad let out a groan.

"I'd better go call her and say that we're coming. Anything else in the mail." He wondered.

"Gonna check that now." Replied Martin as he flipped through the rest of it. He thought the rest would be crap mail, but boy was he wrong.

The last piece of mail caused Martin's eyes to bug out in shock. Was he really seeing this? Was someone playing a joke on him? There was no way that the envelope he was holding in his hands was a letter from Ruthie. He quickly dropped the rest of the mail on the counter and ran past his dad, and went straight to his room.

Beau, who had just gotten off the phone after leaving a message on his sister's voicemail, watched as his son flew past him like his life depended on it. _Kids these days are weird_, he thought as he picked up the pile of mail. _Oh great bills, lovely. _

For ten minutes, Martin sat on his bed sitting there staring down at the white envelope, debating whether or not to open it. The thought of finding out that she never wanted to see him again was terrifying. But he would never know unless he opened it. Taking a deep breath, he flipped it over, opened it, and began to read it.

**Dear Martin….**

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**AN: hehe I know I'm evil. But don't worry, you'll find out what the letter says, I promise. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Dear Martin,**

**For starters, in no way does me writing you this letter mean I forgive you. It's going to take quite some time until I can forgive you. This letter does not mean that I will write you again the next time you send me one. I'm simply writing you this letter to say thank you for the one you gave me, and to tell you some things that I need to get them off my chest. I'm hoping that writing this letter will help me feel a little better, who knows, maybe writing this will help toward me forgiving you. When you left to go be a father to Aaron, I understood. I knew that you needed to be there for your son and be in his life, I just never thought you would have left without saying goodbye. Part of me at that point hated you for sleeping with her and having a baby and part of me wasn't. But no matter how angry or upset I was, I still wanted you to say goodbye. How could you not have faced me? It's not like you felt anything for me or knew my feelings toward you. What were you so afraid of? I kept telling myself that you were so wrapped up in moving that you forgot to come by and that you would call. A couple of days went by and there was no call, no letter, or even an email. There was nothing. I waited and waited and after a while I gave up hope. I thought for sure you would have called or visited me.**

**We were supposed to be best friends. The day you left my heart broke into a million pieces. To be honest, my heart is still in a million pieces. After a month I started getting angry and resentful toward you. Pretty soon it was three months and by then I was completely consumed with pain, anger, and hurt. I stopped being the happy go lucky girl that everyone knew and loved and become a stranger. A stranger no one could get close to because I pushed people away. No matter what anyone did, nothing changed. Every day I would wake up and walk around like a ghost. Sure my body was there, but my heart, mind, and soul weren't. I showed no emotions because I was afraid that the hurt I hid would come back; and I just couldn't deal with that again. When you left you took part of me with you. Martin the day I met you was the day you stole my heart. Everything about you just made me feel butterflies in my stomach. The sound of your laugh, the light of your smile, and the warm passion I saw in your eyes is what captured my heart. You weren't like the other guys I met. You were sweet, kind, funny, charming, passionate, and much more. But no matter what I did, all you saw me as was this little girl who was like your sister. **

**Watching you date those girls killed me. First Cecilia, then Zoe, and last but not least, Meredith. What you saw in them I still do not know. Neither one of them knew you like I did, but you were happy and I didn't want to disturb that. But what I never understood is why you slept with Sandy? You barely knew her. You were supposed to be visiting Simon to see how college life was, not to sleep with the first girl who would spread her legs wide open. What were you thinking? Oh wait, a stiff dick has no conscious. Some nights I often sat in my bed and wondered why I kept thinking I had a chance with you. Things were happening left and right that made my wish seem so far out of reach. But as always, I had faith. I had faith that one day you would see me as something more than a friend. Sadly, that day never happened. What did happen is you having a kid and forgetting all about me. For five months I sat in my house letting my feelings lay deep inside. It's like I was dead. I woke up, went to school, came home, ate, and sat in my room. The feelings I had been hiding began taking over me, turning me into this raging bitch who snapped at every little thing. My family tried to help me, but I just didn't want it. And I still don't; well except Simon's. Here I can breathe without having to see them or you. You know, during some of those months that you were gone, I was actually happy not to see you. Not seeing you let me forget my feelings. **

**Then it happened. You came back. But what hurts most is that you didn't come back on your own. No, you came back because my father asked you to. HE HAD TO ASK! HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE FUCKING CARED! EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IS YOUR FAULT. ME BECOMING THE WAY I DID IS YOUR FAULT. ALL MY HURT AND PAIN IS ALL YOUR FAULT. TO THINK IT ALL COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED IF YOU HAD JUST GROWN A PAIR OF BALLS AND CALLED ME…SOMETHING TO LET ME KNOW YOU CARED! I can't forgive you for hurting me, for sleeping with her and having a child, and I definitely can't forgive you for leaving. I'm going to get better and get back to normal. But me forgiving you is not going to be easy. I will get better, but when I do, I don't think I'll want to see you. You may not see or hear from me for a long time. You can send your letters, sure…but don't count on a reply. Hell, I wouldn't count on me reading them. At least not right away. **

**The thought of seeing you right now or even speaking to you on the phone seems very very wrong and makes me a little pissed off. I can't face you. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I'm afraid that if I see you, I'll want to forgive you right then and there because there might be a chance that you want me. But that's not my biggest fear, just a minor one. My biggest fear is that seeing you will make getting better much harder. By seeing you or speaking to you, it could cause the feelings I had before to come back, and I don't want that. I don't ever want to feel that anger and hurt I felt. What I do want is for you to know and feel the pain that you put me through. I want you to miss me like I missed you. To want to see me like I wanted to see you. This sounds really harsh, but it's what I want and what I need. It's also what you deserve for the shit you did to me. When this is all over and you finally understand how I felt, there is a chance we might meet. **

**When I'm ready to speak to you, I might call, write, or even meet you face to face. But do you deserve that? It seems a little unfair that I should do that, but me acting like you would be low and two wrongs don't make a right. No this letter is not over. There is still a lot more that I want and need to say. The first is that I am proud of you for taking responsibility for your son and that you're in his life. Then yet, I'm also annoyed with you for having him. For sleeping with that thing you call woman. Yes, I know she is the mother of your child and that she is a nice person, but how nice can she be for ruining your life? I mean she slept with you when you were 17! Technically that is statutory rape. I've said this before, but I'll say it again, I hate you for sleeping with her. What makes this weird is that I wanted it to be me. I wanted so much for you to like me, kiss me, and hold me like you did her. For a moment I went temporarily insane and wanted to be the one who had your baby. Amen and knock on wood that it wasn't. Not now anyways. **

**There are so many questions that I have that go unanswered. But the fear of hearing them is what keeps me from asking them. Maybe one day I can work up the will to ask them. Right now you're probably sitting and reading this with your eyes wide open and your jaw dragging on the floor. That or you're just sitting there reading this feeling guilt and shock; which is exactly what I want you to feel. Another thing I wanted to say is that, I'm sorry for almost running you over. I truly never wanted to do that. That moment when you jumped in front of the car I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I don't want you dead, not now, not ever. You're probably rolling your eyes right now saying yeah right, but it's true. You not coming around and forgetting me I can handle, but you not being alive is something I could not deal with. Look what happened when you left and forgot about me. Can you imagine what would happen if you weren't alive anymore? I love you Martin Brewer, I always have and part of me always will, but part of me also hates you. I hope this letter was insightful and answered any questions you had. The next letter I receive from you I may or may not read, and if I do, I may not reply. What I will do is save them. I'll save them and read them when I am ready or reply when I feel I'm up to it. If you want to know how I'm doing, you can call my parents and they'll be sure to fill you in. We'll I'm going to relax and watch some T.V. I've had a pretty long day. First seeing you, nearly killing you, and then Simon drops his night table on my toe. I swear I must be cursed. That or I'm just very unlucky. **

**Sincerely,**

Ruthie Camden

**P.S…Thanks for the picture…and no I didn't burn it.**

**AN: hey everyone, sorry for the long wait, but I've been having trouble writing. I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on what should happen next, or what they'd like to see. If anyone would like to help me write the story please let me know. If you would like me to continue the story or to discontinue it, just tell me. I'd love to keep going but I haven't gotten many reviews n it kinda stinks…anyway…hope u like this update…I know some of u were waiting for this letter for while…**


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